


Hearts Go Crazy

by Emeli_Thorne



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-25 01:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 38,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2603693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeli_Thorne/pseuds/Emeli_Thorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sons of Anarchy AU in which Jax is a fighter and Tara has a fince, who is none other than Jax's sponsor. But what happens when Jax starts giving Tara self-defence classes and gets turned on by her sexual innuendos, and more importantly, starts falling for her? How long will he be able to keep his feelings, and his hands, to himself? Jax/Tara slow burn</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And So They Meet

Note: It’s me again with a brand new story. A few days ago, I watched an episode of Kingdom and this crazy AU idea popped into my head: What if there was no MC but the boys were street fighters? And what if Tara was forbidden fruit for Jax because she belonged to another man? And what if Jax’s future depended on that man?

And so I wrote this :D

If this is the first SoA fanfic with this kind of AU, then I call dibs :P

 Disclaimer: I do not own SoA or anything related to it, save for original characters introduced.

A huuuge thanks goes to princessjazzie (she’s on FFN, look her up) for writing the fight scene since I’m not a native speaker and I lack in terminology.

Sorry for possible typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Flash Forward

 

This was the worst fucking night for a fight. And yet, here he was, standing in an improvised ring of a closed warehouse situated in the outskirts of Charming.

The warehouse was relatively big, with cold concrete floor and dim lights. The air smelled of blood, sweat and booze. Shouts filled the old depot as people (mostly men) placed bets and women assessed one another with obvious disdain, fearing that one of them could steal the other’s man.

His opponent, Carlos, was standing before him, with a mad look on his face. A scar ran from his left eye, across his cheek, to his jaw. He was a bit taller than Jax, with a yellow Mohawk and green sports shorts. He growled, probably trying to scare Jax and assert himself as a dominant one.

Jax heard stories about him from his friends and fellow fighters. Almost every guy that fought with him, ended up in hospital. Dude was seriously crazy.

On top of everything that had happened to Jax recently, it was definitely bad luck to get him as his opponent.

But Jax didn't care. Tonight, he didn't care much about anything.

Except for _her_. Tara.

He looked around the improvised ring trying to catch a glimpse of her silky brown hair or hear her laughter. But the warehouse was full and the crowd cheered with such force, yelling at the top of their lungs, that it was impossible to see her even if she was there.

Chibs and Tig were on his left, crying encouragements. Jax didn't care.

All he wanted was to see her, hear her. Even if they never spoke to each other again, all he wanted was her.

It'd been five days since he last saw her.

They had a fight, yelled at each other; she trashed his place and left without a single word afterwards.

The defeated look on her face and the tears that stained her beautiful cheeks haunted him all these nights.

He couldn't sleep. He tried calling her but she disconnected her phone.

He went to her place, hoping they could talk. He wanted to explain himself even though he knew he fucked up big time. His stupidity knew no boundaries, and for the umpteenth time, he cursed himself for being an idiot and hurting her.

To think she might never want to be with him, talk to him, was killing him.

As soon as he came to her house, he knew it was a stupid idea.

Jax knew he couldn’t exactly show up at her doorstep because he might be there. If he saw him there, who knows what could happen.

So, Jax just hid behind a large hedge that shielded their house from unwanted attention. Luckily, he remembered a spot in the corner of the hedge from his previous visits, from which he had a clear view of their living room and kitchen, since the curtains weren’t drawn.

He must have been crouching there for at least half an hour, waiting for Tara to show up, because when he wanted to get up, his legs felt like they were made of jelly. He was about to turn and abandon this whole idea when she appeared.

Her hair was down in messy waves. She wore blue shorts that reached her mid-thighs and a white tank top. She sat on the couch and turned the TV on. He got a boner just by looking at her.

She had such a strong effect on him even from that distance.

He remembered her falling apart in his arms, screaming his name. His fingers itched to touch her skin again. He wondered if he’ll ever taste her cherry lips again.

Jax wanted her so bad that his heart ached for her in what had become a familiar torturing pain.

As he contemplated about those beautiful moments they spent together, when it was just the two of them, Neal came into the room and Jax’s fists immediately clenched in anger. His blood boiled at the sight.

Tara got up to greet him and he leaned to kiss her, wrapping his fucking hands around her waist. Then his fucking hand grabbed her ass. Jax imagined her shuddering under his touch and it only made him angrier.

He turned and, careful not to be noticed by one of Neal’s men, ran as fast as he could. He ran until his lungs started burning and his legs gave up.

He reached the Arrow Park which was good forty minutes away from Tara’s house.

He still wasn't calm. Jax felt like screaming at that moment or even killing someone.

Mostly him. Jax could have definitely killed him then.

Because, no matter what happened between Tara and him, Jax knew she was his. She told him so.

Tara was his woman, the only one he ever loved. He loved her so much, so deeply, that he felt his whole body shaking in rage at the thought of her being with another man. Then he realised he was crying. His eyes burned from all the tears that just couldn’t stop streaming down his face.

And still, he knew he was to blame for everything. He was the one who stole her from him, promising her eternal happiness if she agrees to leave Neal and be with him. She sacrificed her relationship because of him, and as always, he fucked up.

_He fucked things up. It was his fault. His stupid fault._

As the fight began, Jax pushed aside all thoughts and regrets and focused on his opponent.

  
Not wanting to show any signs of weakness, Jax began the fight by stepping forward, closing the distance between Carlos and himself. Carlos, not wanting to be shown up, swung wildly in an attempt to connect a hit to either side of Jax’s face.

  
However, he missed both the right and the left swing, leaving himself wide open for Jax’s left-right uppercut combo.  
In the past, that combination of punches would have proved lethal, knocking his opponent on their ass if not out completely, but Carlos wasn’t like any other opponent.

  
Instead, he responded by standing a little bit straighter with a cocky smirk that screamed, That the best you got?

  
Knowing Jax was caught off guard by his actions, Carlos used that knowledge to land a snapping leg kick to Jax’s thigh, knocking him off balance. Carlos followed the leg kick with a right hook to Jax’s face, cutting him above the eye.

  
With blood now streaming down his face, Jax was having trouble seeing, which allowed Carlos to land a few hard hits to Jax’s body.  
Jax doubled over from the body shots, allowing Carlos to land a knee kick to Jax’s face. Jax fell forward landing hard on the concrete.  
Carlos, not wanting the fight to end so soon, took a few steps back to allow Jax to recover.

  
Jax wiped his face with his hands, got up outstretching his arm in attempt to defend against a further onslaught until he was fully upright.

Jax tried to keep his head in the game, tried to regain the focus but it was borderline impossible.

  
No matter how much pain he was in his mind could only think of one thing.  
And that’s when he saw her.  
At first he thought his mind was playing tricks on him. But sure enough, leaning on the wall just across from where he was in the ring, were Tara and her fiancé, Neal. She was wearing tight low-cut red dress and high stilettos. Her hair was down.

She gave Jax a cold stare, showing no emotion whatsoever. He felt his heart clench as Neal pinned her to the wall and started kissing her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Jax couldn’t see her face, only his back. But just then, Neal started kissing her neck and she threw her head back, a look of satisfaction on her face, as she bit her lip and closed her eyes.

Jax snapped.

He focused his rage onto his opponent, not caring what he was doing. All Jax could think of was that Tara was doing this on purpose to get back at him.

She knew this would hurt him. She came here to mess with his head and she succeeded.

Instead of Carlos, Jax saw Neal. With every punch, every strike, Jax imagined hitting him.

He didn’t stop attacking even when his hands became numb and the crowd started cursing at him to stop. All he could see was his Tara being touched by another man.

She is mine. Mine.

 

SIX MONTHS EARLIER

 

-“Jax! Jax, come here!” – yelled Tig, standing on the entrance of their SAMCRO gym.

Shouts and punches echoed the gym as various fighters rehearsed their techniques.

Jax made another strike at the punching bag then stopped the bag from swinging. He took his water bottle and gulped the cold liquid thirstily. He headed towards the exit, wiping off the sweat that covered his hair, neck and face.

His workout routine had become even harder since SAMCRO managed to find him a new sponsor whom he hasn’t met yet. Jax pushed himself more in order to look good and not disappoint the people who helped him get where he was now.

As he walked across the gym to the main room, he was welcomed by Bobby, Clay, Tig and Chibs, the other club members and his best friends. Then he noticed a tall man with buzz cut in a well fitted grey suit standing next to the bar. The man smiled as he saw Jax coming and approached, extending his hand.

-“Hi. You must be Jax. I’m Neal.”

Jax felt confused. It’s not every day that men like this guy came to their gym. Nevertheless, Jax shook his hand.

-“Hey. Nice to meet you.”

-“Jacky boy, this is your new sponsor. ” - Chibs said as he tapped Jax on the back.

Jax was seriously surprised. He did want to go pro, but this was unexpected. This was the guy who’s going to sponsor him?

-“Seriously? Oh man, thank you so much.”

Neal smiled.

-“No need to thank me. Just do your job and win the fights. I’ll take care of the rest.”

The men cheered and congratulated Jax as Neal went outside to answer his phone. He came back a few minutes later. The guys were already celebrating.

There were at least five bottles of various alcoholic drinks, and in matter of seconds at least ten girls flocked around Jax to kiss him and invite him for a special congratulations party in the back room of their club.

Jax enjoyed the attention. After struggling for so long to be noticed by sponsors, he finally got his shot. If everything plays the way he planned, he’ll be a pro in matter of months. He just needed to step up his game and show himself in the best possible light.

-“Aye, Neal. Come have a drink with us.”

Neal sat at the bar as Bobby handed him a glass of their best scotch that they kept for special occasions. In his suit and fancy looks, Neal didn’t really fit in a fight club. He looked out of place.

An hour later, however, Neal seemed to have fit in the new surroundings just fine. He threw off his jacket and tie, laughing at something Tig said.

-“Neal?”

He turned at the mention of his name. A smile spread across his face as he stood up and wrapped his arms around his fiancé.

-“Hi.”

Jax, who was sitting next to Neal drinking his juice (no alcohol was allowed to him), watched as Neal kissed his fiancé passionately before turning back to face them.

-“These are the guys I told you about on the phone. And this is the guy I’m going to be sponsoring.”

When Neal moved aside to introduce the girl to them, Jax was stunned.

The girl was gorgeous. She wore tight black knee length dress with wide straps. Her body was smoking hot. Her hair was down in long brown waves that reached her shoulders.

She shook hands with everyone. Then she turned to Jax and gave him a wide smile, a mischievous spark playing in her eyes as she extended her hand.

-“Hi. I’m Tara.”

Jax smiled back, offering his smuggish grin.

-“Jax.”

 

(So, what do you think? Do you like it? Should I continue with this story?  
Also: Neal is suppose to look like Stephen Amell :D Let me know what you think xo xo)


	2. I Might Be Checking You Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huuuge thanks goes to princessjazzie (she's on FFN, look her up) for writing the fight scene near the end of the chapter since I'm not a native speaker and I lack in terminology.
> 
> Sorry for possible typos and mistakes. It took me six hours to write this and I didn’t have the will to read it anymore :P

_Music: X Ambassadors, Jamie N Commons - Jungle_

 

_Won't you follow me into the jungle (yeah)_  
 _Ain't no god on my streets in the heart of the jungle (oh, Lord child)_  
 _Won't you follow me into the jungle (yeah)_

 

The music blasted through Jax’s earphones as he switched between jogging and sprinting. He had been doing his roadwork training for two hours and was almost done with his morning routine.

He stopped at a meadow near the “Welcome to Charming” sign. The sun had already risen, but the dew was still covering the grass. Harsh morning wind blew and Jax hurried to finish stretching.

There was no one there, probably because most people were sleeping at six o’ clock in the morning. But not jax. He wanted to be the best and he pushed his limits daily. The last thing he wanted was to let down the people who trusted him or to let himself down.

Street fights were not safe, but Jax had no other choice. Dropping out of high school at the age of eighteen and not graduating was one of the reasons he sought street fights as means to earn some money.

Other reasons included him being born in a poor neighbourhood with not many opportunities ahead.

His father died in a car accident when Jax was only seven years old. His mother Gemma had to take care of him and his little brother Thomas.

She worked as a waitress and seamstress, doing her best to provide her sons with the best possible life they could have.

But unlike his brother Thomas, who had his head in books and school and managed to graduate at the top of his class, even earning a scholarship for UC San Diego, Jax was led astray by his friends.

After spending 5 years in prison for an armed robbery (he was the getaway driver), he had no life, no friends, didn’t finish school and no one would hire him. His mother was now in her late forties, exhausted by work and too old to take care of him as well.

So, he turned to street fighting. He never imagined that one fight could get him so much money.

He lost the first few fights and ended up badly beaten, but after a while, he got the hang of it. He found a gym whose owner, Clay, was willing to let him train there if he agreed to work around the gym, clean toilets, the equipment and do some smaller repairments.

Jax didn’t care what he had to do, as long as he got what he wanted: training.

One of Clay’s friends, Chibs they called him, agreed to train Jax. A few months later, Jax was making progress, winning his first fight.

Later, he gained more confidence in himself and he won almost all of his fights.

Clay, Chibs and some other guys who trained there were proud of him and Jax couldn’t help but thrive on the fact that for once, someone was giving him compliments instead of Thomas.

 

Jax turned off the music then stepped with one foot forward and lowered into a lunge, placing his hands on the ground. He breathed in then out, straightening his leg. He then returned to the lung position, and then repeated the action ten more times, before switching legs.

At the fifth intake of breath, he heard the rustling of grass and made a move to stand when he heard a familiar woman’s voice.

-“Don’t stop.”

He turned and faced Tara.

Her grey v-neck shirt was stained with sweat, with red zip up hoodie over it. She wore black leggings and her hair was tied in a ponytail. Her cheeks were flushed and she was panting.

Jax gave her a stiff smile.

-“Tara.”

Tara tilted her head, her arms akimbo, then cocked an eyebrow at him.

-“Teller. Are you angry at me or something?”

-“No, I have no reason to be.” – Jax answered, standing with his feet together and his arms overhead. He entwined his fingers, his pointer fingers extended. He inhaled as he reached upward.

-“Then way such a stiff smile? It’s a beautiful morning, the birds are chirping and I’m happy today.”

She beamed and started stretching herself, repeating his actions.

Jax didn’t know how to answer her.

Since they met at the gym, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He knew it was wrong. She had a fiancé. A fiancé who was his sponsor.

But the way she looked at him then, with a devious sparkle in her eyes, it got to him.

Jax had his fair share of women. His usual type were blondes with big tits and small brain.

Tara was the complete opposite of that with her chestnut hair and tits that were just the right size (not that he looked).

And the way she was stretching...

Tara interlaced her fingers behind her back, then breathed in and straightened her back to expand her chest. Next, she exhaled and bent down, stretching her hands towards her head.

The move offered Jax the perfect view of her cleavage and he began to heaving. _It has nothing to do with her_ , he assured himself. _It’s just the effort of the workout._

-“So, Teller. Do you come here often?”

Jax finished stretching and stood aside as she continued with her routine.

-“Yeah. But usually there’s no one here.”

Tara grinned.

-“I discovered it last week while I was running. I’m new here so I like to explore.”

She finished with stretching and zipped up her hoodie, then retied her hair.

-“I hope I didn’t disturb you.” -she said, smiling apologetically.

Jax grinned back, looking at her. She had a cute smile.

-“You didn’t.”

Tara sighed.

\- “Wow, Jax. You sure talk a lot.” – she said sarcastically as they headed towards the town.

Their footsteps echoed the empty road, their sneakers scratching the pavement.

-“I’m sorry. I’m just tired. And I still have to get to the gym.”

-“Oh, right. I was meaning to ask you. Would you mind showing me some self-defence moves?”

Jax frowned, tucking his hand in his pockets as the cold wind whipped pass them.

-“Why?”

Tara bit her lip as if unsure if she should answer or not. She too tucked her hands into her hoodie pockets.

-“Well, I just want to feel safer. And I will, once you’ve shown me some moves. What do you say?”

Her eyebrows rose in expectation, her eyes making that puppy dog look which was impossible to resist if executed perfectly. And apparently she was perfect at it.

-“Ok. You can come later today.”

She beamed at him, her smile becoming a yawn. She quickly covered her mouth.

-“I’m sorry. I hate getting up early but mornings here are so beautiful, it seems a shame to miss out on them.”

Jax wondered why she needed self defence, but didn’t ask. It had nothing to do with him.

She glanced at her phone.

-“Shoot! I have to hurry. Neal is waiting for me. See you later.”

She waved at him then ran back to her house, her ponytail swinging left and right behind her. Jax’s gaze dropped to her ass but then he shook his head, averting the gaze.

_What’s wrong with me?_

################

 

-“Jackie Boy, Juicy gear up!” – yelled Chibs, standing at the side of the ring.

After putting on their head gear and sparring gloves, Jax and Juice stepped into the ring.

They both made their way into the centre and began bouncing from foot to foot, arms up to protect their faces and bodies.

After dancing around in a circle, Juice swung first, labelling himself as the offensive fighter.

His punch connected with Jax’s shoulder.

With one connect in, Juice continued with a jab, straight, right hook combo, managing to achieve two of three hits.

The switch up was used to keep Jax on his toes.

None of the hits were hard.

Sparring was meant to build stamina and skill, not injure the opponent.

Jax recovered quickly and threw a jab, overhand right, and left uppercut combo of his own.

Juice responded with another jab to Jax’s shoulder, then one to Jax’s elbow, and then one to Jax’s midsection.

Jax bent over so Juice would think the midsection shot caught him off guard, allowing him to shoot for the takedown.

Juice, finding himself on his back, shuffled his hips seeking a way out of open guard.

Jax responded by shooting over to side control, throwing a combination of knees to the body and elbows to the face.

Juice tried to bring his arm up to protect his face, but Jax saw it as an opportunity to put Juice in an arm bar.

Grabbing Juice’s wrist and swinging one leg over his face and another over his chest, the arm bar was locked in.

Wrenching Juice’s arm back and hyper extending his elbow, Juice taped after two failed attempts to escape the submission.

 

-“Aye, good job, Jackie Boy!” – cheered Chibs, patting his back.

Juice went to the showers while Jax drank water, looking at the clock above the entrance door.

Tara sent him a message, saying she’ll be at the gym at four, so Jax went to the front to wait for her.


	3. There’s Something About Tara

Sorry for any typos and mistakes.

Happy reading : 3

 

Tara fished out the keys to her house out of her pocket and unlocked the door. She was welcomed by a smell of freshly made coffee, pancakes and omelette.

When she walked to the kitchen, unzipping her hoodie, she saw Neal sitting at the kitchen table, newspapers in front of him.

He wore his usual business pants, along with white shirt and green tie. She loved that tie. Somehow, it just suited him. Smiling to herself, she thought e _verything looks good on him._

He was frowning at something he read in the newspapers. Tara knew that frown. He was pissed.

Her footsteps caught his attention and he lifted his gaze. For a second, there was still some anger in his eyes, but it softened when he realised it was her.

He smiled at her and Tara came behind him, wrapped her arms around him and planted a loud kiss on the cheek.

-“Morning, baby.”

She nuzzled against his neck, savouring the smell of his aftershave.

Neal smiled and taking her arm, pulled her gently to his lap. Tara wrapped her arms around his neck and Neal pulled her into a slow kiss. His fingers tangled in her sweaty hair and a moan escaped her lips as his other hand travelled under her shirt. As she kissed him, she felt her whole body yearn for him.

Neal always had that effect on her.

-“Where were you? I woke up and you were gone.” – he asked, kissing her neck.

Tara felt a shiver pass her body.

-“I went for a run. Which reminds me: I have to shower. I smell.”

She gave him a peck on the lips before standing up.

-“You smell just fine.”

He smiled at her and Tara felt like she could melt at the sight.

-“You seemed pissed earlier. Is everything ok?” – Tara asked.

-“Just some stock market shit. It doesn't really matter. Now, what do you say we go to our bedroom and -”

Before Neal could continue, his phone rang. Leaving him to his phone call, Tara went to bathroom for a quick shower before breakfast.

 

Neal and she met in a bar where she was a bartender.

Neal had been one of the regulars at the bar and they immediately clicked. There was just something about the way he talked and behaved that she found oddly soothing.

Neal was a smart and attractive guy, unlike most of the other male customers whose only goal was to get into some girl’s pants and drink as much alcohol as possible for the night.

He and Tara would talk whenever she had a break and the conversations were more than refreshing for Tara, whose only company at the time were her books and a few good friends she had met on the campus.

At first they were just friends, but over time the friendship grew into a relationship. A few months after they had become an actual couple, Tara moved in with Neal.

He was five years older than her and already had his own business. He earned well and loved to shower Tara with presents, but Tara was not the kind of girl to live off someone.

After graduating, she had hard time finding a job in her field, so she just continued working at the bar. Neal would come and pick her up or he would send one of his men to drive her home, whenever she had to work late shift. Tara liked the protectiveness of Neal, though she wasn't used to that kind of attention.

Two months ago, Neal informed her that he had invested some money in a gym in a town named Charming and that they were supposed to move there.

Tara did crave for some change. Her routine was boring her and she thought that some change wouldn't hurt. And so they moved. Neal came before her to arrange everything for them.

The day she came to the SAMCRO gym, was the day she came to Charming.

......

Charming seemed like a nice and peaceful little town and Tara liked it. People were nice to her, the food in the local restaurants was good and so far, the weather was tolerable.

She liked Neal’s new venture. The guys she met at the gym were funny and very welcoming.

Her first night in Charming was a blast. Neal and she stay until the wee hours of the morning, joking around with the SAMCRO members and getting to know each other.

Music blasted through the speakers, people shouted and laughed, and after several rounds of various drinks : Bobby started impersonating Elvis, Chibs kept mumbling incoherently, Tig went to backroom with a girl named Venus, and Clay dared Neal on a game of pools. The crowd gathered around them, shouting bets as to who might win. Obviously, everyone thought Clay would be the winner.

Tara was left at the bar with Jax, who was probably the only person in the whole clubhouse who hadn’t drank.

-“So, Jax... Tell me something about yourself.”

Tara drank her scotch slowly, savouring every sip of the liquid while she waited for Jax to start speaking.

-“Not much to tell. I fight for living.”

He answered solemnly, unscrewing and screwing the bottle cap, avoiding looking her in the eyes.

Tara sighed and rolled her eyes at his response, fighting the urge to spill her drink on him.

-“No shit, Sherlock.”

At that, Jax looked at her and laughed.

-“Well, sorry. What do you want to know?”

Tara crossed her legs and his gaze fell on her lap just for a second, before he cleared his throat and shifted his gaze to her again. He hoped she didn't notice.

She tilted her head aside and assessed him silently for a few moments:

-“Why did you start fighting?”

Jax sighed, his insecurities nagging at him.

-“I... I've made some stupid mistakes while I was a teen and it came back to bite me in the ass years later. I couldn't get a job. Fighting was the only way I could provide for my mom and myself.”

Tara nodded, unsure if she should ask him anything else about his life, since this subject seemed too hard for him to talk about. His gaze became dark as if indication not to go any further with it.

-“How many fights have you won?” - Tara stirred the conversation in a safer direction.

Jax beamed widely, feeling a sense of pride fill his chest.

-“Since I started this with Clay? Twenty. I only lost three.”

Tara nodded in approval, lifting her glass.

-“Wow, congrats Mr. Teller.”

-“Thanks. Now, tell me. Are you from here or... I haven't seen you before.”

Tara finished her drink and set the glass aside, then turned to Jax.

-“I'm from Chicago. Neal and I had been living together for awhile now and when he said he got some business in this town and that he had to move, he asked me to come with him. I said of course. And so, here I am.”

Jax tilted his head, looking at her eyes which had some weird spark in them he hadn't seen before.

-“You must really love him to be willing to make such a change.”

Tara smiled entranced. She turned her head to look at Neal who was now cheering because he had apparently won.

-“I do. I really do.”

There was something in her voice and her words that made Jax uncomfortable and weirdly... jealous? He couldn't tell.

Maybe it was because of the way her eyes rested on her fiancé, that dreamy look in her eyes when their eyes met or because of the way her cheeks blushed when Neal blew her a kiss across the room.

He cleared his throat and stood up. Tara turned her attention back to him. When she noticed him standing she frowned.

-“You're leaving already?”

-“Yeah. I gotta get some sleep. It was nice meeting you, Tara.”

He offered his hand and she shook it.

-“You too, Jax. See you around.”

Jax nodded and headed towards his room in the back of the gym.

.......

He showered and went to bed.

Only he couldn't sleep. The girl he met that day had him intrigued for an unknown reason.

There was just something about her...


	4. She’s Got Moves!

Sorry for any typos and mistakes.  
Happy reading :3

 

The sun was already high in the sky, its rays burning the asphalt. There were some girls hanging around the lot, waiting for their boyfriends or some club member to come and notice them.

Jax was sitting on one of the benches outside the gym, a blonde named Ima on his lap.

Her skirt was anything but a skirt, so short I couldn’t be classified as anything else but panties and her shirt had a low v-cut that draw every guy’s eyes to it. She had her hands wrapped around his neck and was rubbing herself against his groin. His arms were around her waist, her signature smirk in place as he charmed her. Though, there wasn't any need for it since she herself was already up for anything.

She was kissing his neck and Jax turned his head as to give her a better approach, when he noticed a figure heading in his direction.

The moment she appeared on the gym parking lot, Jax's eyes were on her.

She wore a black sports bra and navy blue shorts that reached her mid thigh.

Jax’s gaze followed up her legs, then her abdomen, noticing how her skin glistened on the sunlight. Then it lingered for a few moments on her rack before it reached her face. Her hair was tied in a high ponytail, a few stray strands adorning her face, and she had sunglasses on. She had a small sports bag with her, a bottle of water in her hand.

The way she swayed her hips was hypnotising that Jax had to shake his head to come to his senses.

Ima, who was still on his lap and was trying to gain his attention, was long forgotten.

Tara smiled at him as she approached and Jax felt his lips spread in a smile as well.

-“Hi, stranger.” – Tara said as she lifted her sunglasses on her head.

Jax pushed Ima off his lap, a move the blonde did not appreciate. She crossed the arms and eyed Tara from head to toe.

-“Hi, Tara. Didn't think you'd make it.”

Jax got up and pushed his hands in his pockets, feeling his erection growing. He wasn't sure if it was because of Ima’s rubbing or Tara’s presence.

They were looking at each other, and Tara mouthed to say something when Ima spoke.

-“Who're you?” – Ima spat with obvious jealousy in her voice.

Tara’s eyes moved from Jax onto the blonde.

She tried not to vomit in her mouth at the sight of an almost naked washed up blondie who was trying to assert her territory.

Tara cleared her throat. _Be nice,_ she warned herself.

-“I'm Tara.”

-“Yeah? And who might you be?”

Jax rolled his eyes, which Tara noticed, and turned to Ima.

-“Go. We'll talk later.”

Ima looked disappointed, but she tried to hide it by caressing Jax’s naked chest and batting her lashes.

-“But, Jax-”

Tara stifled a laugh, observing the scene. _The girl was more than pathetic._

Jax pushed her hand.

-“I'll call you later.” – his voice was filled with annoyance and a hint of threat.

The blond took the hint. Glancing at Tara for the last time and not even trying to hide her loath, she turned and went to her friends who were at the opposite side of the lot. She swayed her hips, but the heels she was wearing were too high for her and she almost tripped.

Jax shook his head and turned to Tara. This time Tara allowed herself to laugh. Her laugh was infectious and Jax eyed her for a few seconds before he joined as well.

-“I’m sorry. I just-” – Tara began speaking but another fit of laughter burst from her mouth and she wrapped an arm around her stomach. Her muscles began to ache.

She breathed in a few times before composing herself. She cleared her throat.

-“I’m sorry. It’s just that I'm not used to this... territory marking shit.”

Jax lifted his chin, a smug grin playing on his lips. He lifted his eyebrow at her remark.

- _“Territory marking?”_

Tara chuckled.

-“Yeah. I thought that was something only guys did. Obviously I was mistaken. Sorry I interrupted your time with your girlfriend.”

Jax hurried to correct her. For some reason, he wanted her to know that Ima was not his girlfriend.

-“She is not my girlfriend. We just have some fun from time to time.”

Tara cocked a grin.

-“Whatever you say, Teller.”

He sighed.

-“We gonna start?”

Tara shrugged.

-“Sure. Lead the way.”

Jax walked in front of her and Tara couldn't help but observe him.

He had broad shoulders, a Sons of Anarchy tattoo on his back with a reaper in the centre. His ass was damn fine, but not as fine as Neal’s. It was probably due to all that workout and what not. His blond hair was slicked back.

She remembered the six-pack she saw when he got up and though _he looked good, really good._

Jax turned abruptly once they'd reached the gym and caught Tara eying him.

-“See something you like, darlin’?” – he asked playfully, his brows wiggling.

-“Yes. Though I’ve seen better.” - she answered in the same playfully manner, dropping her bag on the floor next to a bench.

Jax touched his chest, his face in a mock sad manner.

-“Aw, you hurt my feelings.”

Tara smiled, rolling her eyes.

-“Grow up, Teller. Lets do this.”

They walked to the ring. Some of the guys whistled at her when they saw her and Tara chuckled, waving at them.

Jax scowled, he wanted to hit every single one of them. _Have they no manners?_ His reaction was more than hypocritical, since he himself acted the same way whenever a girl came to their gym.

The sound of chatter, loud encouragements and punches echoed the gym.

As they stepped onto the mat, Jax and Tara turned so that they were facing each other. Jax stood, spreading his legs slightly and Tara mirrored his actions.

-“Quick question: Why do you need this?”

Tara averted his eyes.

-“I just... I want to know that I can defend myself should the need arise.”

Jax didn’t look convicted by her words, but he ignored the need for any further inquiry.

-“Ok. Now, you need to know a few things before we start.”

Tara nodded.

-“Ok. Spill it.”

-“If by any chance you are attacked, you should scream real loud-”

-“Oh, I can scream.”

Jax’s eyes bulged. He gulped, deciding to ignore her outburst even though his fucking dick twitched at that sentence and his mind played wicked tricks on him, imagining her beneath him and screaming his name out of pure pleasure.

He cleared his throat.

-“Right. You should scream loudly: _Back off!_ as to catch the attacker off guard and also draw some attention. Someone would probably come to help you. Next, you should push him back as hard as you can, that way showing him that you're not an easy target. Got it?” – he bowed his head slightly and lifted his eyebrows as to make sure she understood what he had said.

She rolled her eyes, shrugging her shoulder in an annoyed manner.

-“I’m not an idiot, Teller. Continue.”

-“I didn't say you were. Now, you have just a few seconds to react otherwise your attacker will regain control over you and you'll have no way of escaping. ”

-“I got it. So, what do I do?”

Jax came closer to her and started pointing at the parts of the body.

-“You aim for the sensitive areas. Eyes, nose, chin.” – he pointed his fingers at his eyes, nose and chin.

He continued, again pointing at himself.

-“Knees, legs and-” – he drifted off, though the next part of his sentence was said by her, with a slight chuckle.

-“And groin. Damn, Teller. You don't have to be so shy. I'm a big girl. I know what men have.”

 _Can't she just keep her mouth shut?_ It seemed as though every other thing that came out of her mouth was something dirty and it made him angry and horny at the same time.

-“I see that.” – he said with a smirk.

_She has a fiancé. Cool it now, Jax._

-“Now, I’m gonna show you how to do it, ok? ”

He came around her and wrapped his arm around shoulders so that she was locked between his arm and his body. He struggled not to come anywhere near her with the lower part of his body. _Better safe than sorry._

His head was on the side of hers.

-“If the attacker locks you in this position, you can step on his foot, hit him with your elbow in his stomach, kick him in his shins with your heel, or hit his chin with your head. ”

He felt a shiver pass her body as he spoke against her ear. Her ponytail was tickling his nose, a smell of her cherry shampoo enveloping him.

-“Can I try?”

-“Yeah, try.”

Jax tightened his grip on her and Tara did as he had instructed.

She stepped on his foot and elbowed him in the stomach. She jumped triumphantly when Jax yelped, loosening his grip and letting her go.

-“Hahaha, I must be natural.”

He looked at her as she was jumping in glee, her breasts jumping in her bra and the image that appeared in Jax’s mind was anything but innocent.

-“Damn, Knowles. ”

-“What’s next?” – she asked enthusiastically.

Jax straightened his body and gestured for her to approach him.

-“Now, we’ll try like this. I’ll act as if I'm coming after you and you try to hit me in the nose with your palm open. You should hit upwards with the heel of your palm. That we you have a chance of breakin’ the guy’s nose. Just, be gentle this time.”

Tara rubbed her hands together, a cocky grin on her face.

-“Oh, I’m always gentle, Teller.”

_Dammit, woman!_

For the God knows what time in the last hour, Jax ignored Tara’s unintentional innuendo and proceeded with his lesson.

He stepped forward and reached out to grab her when Tara obediently did just how Jax had explained and reached out her arm with an open palm and pushed the heel of it towards Jax’s nose.

Then she heard a crack and saw Jax’s hands wrapping around his nose.

-“Oh my God! I'm sooo sorry!”

Tara pressed her hand against her mouth in obvious shock.

-“Jesus Christ, Knowles. I said be gentle.” – his voice was nasalised.

He removed his hands off his nose and Tara opened and closed her mouth, her eyes wide.

His nose was already swollen, blood running from it.

She approached him and put her hands on his shoulder.

-“Lift your head up so I can see.”

Jax felt the warmth from her soft palms spreading through his body and in spite of his injury and all the adrenaline coursing through his body and the pain he felt, his dick obviously had more important things on its mind. Like when Tara bowed her body slightly so that she could assess the situation better, her breasts brushed against his chest, and he could now see the v line they formed inside her sports bra.

-“I don't think it’s necessarily broken. Maybe it’s just... you know, been hit hard and it’s just the swelling that makes everything look worse than it actually is.”

She bit her lip and her palm cupped his chin, lifting his head slightly. Her face was so close to him that he could practically just lean and kiss her.

He stepped back, composing himself.

-“It’s fine, really. I have injuries like these all the time. “

She still had a worried look on her face, wrinkles etched on her forehead.

-“Knowles, don’t worry. I’m fine.”

-“Jax, I'm so sorry. Fuck, I had no idea I could hit this hard.”

The other fighters notice the commotion in their ring and some of them came to check what was going on.

-“Shit, Teller. Did a girl just kick your ass?”

Jax turned and sent a death glare in Juice’s direction.

-“Fuck you, Ortiz.”

The men chuckled and Tara joined them after fighting her laughs. First she giggled than it was a loud laughter. Jax wanted to be mad at her for making him look bad in front of his fellow fighters, but he couldn’t.

-“Come on, Teller. Lets clean you up.”

That earned a few’ ooos’ from the guys and one ‘nice nurse you got there, Jax!’

_Fucking idiots!_

Tara wrapped her arm around Jax’s waist and he really wished she didn't because it was too hard to focus on controlling his erection and the pain he felt at the same time.

They left the ring and as they were heading to the men’s room, Chibs appeared.

-“What in a bloody hell?”

-“I hit him. Accidentally.”

Chibs sneered.

-“Oh, Jackie boy. ” – Chibs patted his back and went his way.

Tara took a clean towel from her bag and followed Jax. Once they were in the men’s room, she wetted the towel under the tap and proceeded to gently wash the blood off his face. Jax observed her. She bit her lower lip and seemed very concentrated on washing his bloody nose and face.

-“I'm not hurting you, am I?” – she looked up to meet his baby blues.

Jax managed to crack a grin.

-“Nah, babe.”

_The fuck did he just say?_

She continued her work, washing the towel and repeating her previous actions. Jax hoped she didn’t hear what he’d said. It seemed as though she didn’t.

-“I’m really sorry.”

-Don’t worry ‘bout it.“

She looked up again and giggled.

-“I hit you good.”

Jax laughed throatily.

-“Yeah, you did.”

(Comments are welcomed :D)


	5. It’s the Little Things

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

The clubhouse was mainly empty, since most of the guys were in the gym at the back. There were only three people here.

 Jax was sitting at one of the tables in clubhouse. Dr. Jones, the club's doctor, came to examine Jax's nose after Tara had hit him. He gave Jax a local aesthetic to numb his nose, so that he could perform the examination.

 Tara was sitting beside him, holding his hand. It was more for her own sake than his, since she was scared that she actually did break his nose.

 -“Well, this doesn’t look broken.  It’s not flat or crooked. Though, it’s hard to tell since the nose is swollen. We’ll wait a couple of days ‘till the swelling is down, and then we can know for sure.”

 Tara let out a loud breath. Jax turned his head to face her and she managed to crack a smile, though her stomach was still in knots.

 -“Knowles, relax. See, it’s all good.”

 He rubbed her hand. Dr. Jones interrupted him, packing his bag.

 -“That’s not what I said.”

 Jax shot him a _what-the-fuck_ look.

 -“Doc, I’m trying to make her relax. Can’t you see how scared she is? _Jesus_.” – The last word was spoken in an exasperated manner.

 The doctor left and Tara let go of Jax’s hand, for the first time realising what she had been doing for the last fifteen minutes.

  _She probably did it unconsciously._

 After she had washed his face, they went to the front part of the gym, which was the clubhouse.

 Admittedly, she was panicking internally when she saw the swelling, but Jax kept assuring her that he was fine and that it didn’t hurt.

 She didn’t know if she should believe him or not.

 So, they sat at the table and waited for the doctor whom Chibs called, to arrive.

 Jax kept cracking jokes to distract her and he was succeeding. But the moment Dr. Jones came, she was again in full worry mode and that was probably when she grabbed his hand.

  _Yes, that must be it._

 -“So, I guess our sessions are over?” – Tara asked jokingly, though there was a hint of nervousness in her voice.

 Jax leaned back, with one foot resting over the thigh of the other leg, a smug grin on his face.

 -“Nah, Knowles. You’re not getting out of this.”

 -“So, you want me to continue kicking your ass and humiliating you in front of your friends?” – she arched an eyebrow at him.

 He laughed, wincing a little when he felt a jolt of pain shoot through his nose.

 -"Oh, no. This time I wasn't prepared. The next time, I'll know to watch my face."

 -"Well of course. We wouldn't want to hurt that pretty face of yours again."

 Tara patted his cheek mockingly, the warmth of it burning his skin.

 At that moment, Ima rushed into the clubhouse, drawing their attention, and when she saw Jax, she knelt beside him, cupping his face.

 -“Oh my God! Jax, what happened?”

 She was turning his head left and right, a worried look on her face.

 Jax moved his head out of her grasp.

 -“Nothing. I’m fine.”

 Ima glanced at Tara.

 -“Juice told me she hit you. Are you some crazy bitch or what?”

 Tara’s eyebrows rose at Ima’s words, but she was in no mood to go through the same ‘game’ again.

 Tara would have gladly slapped her, hadn’t she seen Jax roll his eyes at the blonde's words. He stood and, grabbing Ima by the wrist pulled her to the door.

 He was in her face, telling her something, but Tara couldn't hear what, so she just sat there, observing the situation.

 Ima was saying something, her fingers wrapping around Jax's arm, but he shook off her hand and said something back, then gesture towards the lot.

 Ima bowed her head in defeat and left.

 Jax turned and ran his fingers through his hair as he walked to their table and sat next to Tara again.

 -"I guess the princess really doesn't like me."

 Jax shook his head.

 -"Who cares? She's like this whenever some new pussy shows up."

 Tara punched him in the shoulder, scowling.

 -"Fuck, that's not what I meant to say. You're not some pussy."

 He lifted his hands in defence.

 -"Damn right I'm not. I'm not one of your groupies, Teller. You do well to remember that."

 She pointed at him with her finger.

 -"Sorry, ok? I know you're not."

 He gave her his signature smirk. Tara rolled her eyes, but grinned back.

 She noticed that Jax's eyes were much bluer than Neal's. Neal's were more grey than blue depending on the light, whereas Jax's were somewhere between green and bright blue.

 -"Tara, are you done?"

 Neal walked into the clubhouse wearing dark jeans and a black t-shirt. His hands were tucked into his pockets.

 Tara looked in his direction and a wide smile appeared on her face.

 She leapt off the chair, walked up to him and gave him a long kiss, her hand at the nape of his neck, pulling his face forward. His arms wrapped round her waist, and as the kiss deepened, his hand travelled from her waist, across her hip, only to cup her ass slightly. She moaned.

 Jax turned his head away from the scene. Somehow, it just didn't sit well with him. He felt a pang in his chest, but he chose to ignore it. Just like he tried, but failed to ignore a moan that escaped her lips, that did things to him. It was too uncomfortable for him.

 Neal’s arm was around Tara’s waist, her hand on his chest.

 -"Hi, man. What happened?"

 Jax turned when he realised Neal was asking him.

 -"Tara happened." – he nodded in Tara’s direction.

 Neal glanced at Tara, a questioning look on his face.

 -"It was an accident. Promise. I had no idea I could hit this hard."

 He chuckled, apparently amused by her answer. He returned his gaze to Jax.

 -"She can be a bit rough sometimes." - he and Tara shared a look and Jax noticed she blushed. -"Just be careful next time."

 Jax nodded.

 -"Oh, I will."

 Tara grabbed her bag of the floor next to the chair and gave Jax a peck on the cheek before she headed out.

 -"I promise, I'll make it up to you for this."

 Next, she was already at Neal's side, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and her arm around his waist.

 -"See you, man."

 -"Bye, Jax."

 She gave him one last grin before she left with her fiancé.

 As they were walking out, Neal leaned and whispered something in her ear and Tara laughed then swatted him on the arm.

 Jax shook his head. He felt like an idiot watching them leave. Just like previously that day, her hips had his full attention and this time Jax noticed her fine ass, perfectly shaped and-

 He stopped himself for a second. _These kinds of thoughts were dangerous._

 And yet, he wondered what Neal had meant by saying that Tara could be rough sometimes, and just how rough.

 Jax had some ideas what that could involve, and all of them included sex.

  _Fuck, Jax. Just stop it._

 He could still feel the softness of her lips against his cheek, the heat that spread over his face at the contact, and that damn cherry scent that seemed to radiate from her.

 Sighing, he got up and headed to the back room, which had been his bedroom ever since he came there.

 He plopped onto his bed, his arms tucked under his head as he contemplated what the fuck was happening to him.

 The girl was here a mere week and he was already a walking erection around her. _Was he a fucking school boy?_

 He reached for his phone, dialled a number and after a few rings, the person on the other line answered.

 -"Jax, what a surprise."

 -"Hey, Wendy. Long time no hear."

 They talked for a few minutes before he invited Wendy over. She was supposed to be there in 15 minutes.

 Jax wanted a distraction, and Wendy was just the perfect person for it.

  
########################################################

 -"You never did tell me why you wanted these lessons."

 Neal said once they were in the car and driving towards their house. Tara leaned against the seat, looking outside the window.

 -"You know me, I get paranoid at times. All that shit with Daniel... Besides, I've nothing to do here."

 Neal glanced at her then returned his eyes on the road.

 -"Sweetie, I told you. You can do whatever you want. I don't want you to think I'm holding you back."

 His hand rested on her knee and she squeezed it, giving him a smile.

 -"I would never think that. I just hate sitting around, doing nothing. I'll see what I can come up with."

 Neal smiled back, returning his hands on the steering wheel.

 -"Great. So, movie night?"

 -"Of course."

 The rest of the ride was spent in a comfortable silence. Tara was tired, her thoughts drifting to the afternoon she spent with Jax.

 From the moment she saw him on that bench, with that blondie, she knew he was a manwhore. The kind of guy that thrived on girls' attention.

 But she couldn't deny that he was good looking man. More than good looking. Then again, she had always had a soft spot for blonds.

 Their back and forth banter was very entertaining and Tara, even though nervous at first, relaxed almost immediately.

 When they were in the ring and she was supposed to try that elbow punch, there was just something...

 Jax was standing behind her, his arm around her shoulders and his naked torso pressed against her back. His breath was hot against her skin, his beard tickled her, and she felt a shiver pass her body.

 He smelled of sweat, but not in a disgusting way.

 And later, when she hit him and was washing the blood off his face, Tara saw the way Jax looked at her. His blues bore into hers for those few seconds she allowed herself to look at him, and it stirred something in her.

 And then, Tara thought of that moment when he said _babe_. She pretended she didn’t hear it, but she sure as hell did.

 It was awkward and odd and... Strangely, it sounded nice.

 Neal called her that all the time and it made her insides melt every time.

 This was something else. More... She couldn't say what exactly.

 Really, it was even stupid to think about any of those things.

   _So, why did she?_

###############################################################

Wendy rolled off him, strands of her hair falling into his face. He pushed them away, annoyed.

-“Wow, Jax. Long time no see.” – Wendy breathed, covering herself with a sheet.

Jax looked at the ceiling, not really paying attention to Wendy.

He invited her over to blow off some steam, forget about the day’s events and enjoy himself. It didn’t work out.

It was stupid of him to even think of her. But he couldn’t stop.

When he wrapped his arms around Wendy, her shoulders weren’t the same width. Her hair didn’t smell of cherries. Her palms weren’t as soft and didn’t have the same warmth. Her lips were too cracked.

-“Jax. ”

He turned, focusing on the girl beside him. Her eyes were brown. Nothing was special about them. They didn’t have any playful glint in them, nothing that would make him look into them for hours and never get sick of it.

-“Yeah?”

Wendy frowned, caressing his chest. Something was off with Jax, she just knew it. He wasn’t like this usually. It was like him to stare in blank space, without immediately going for round two.

-“I’ve been talking for five minutes now and you said nothing.”

Her lips weren’t as full and didn’t have remotely the same shape.

_Stop it, Jax. Just stop it._

His stupid thoughts were just that, stupid. Why would he even think of some newbie when he had a hot piece of ass right beside him, ready to do whatever he wanted. He smirked and hovered over her.

-“That’s because I don’t want to talk.”

He attacked her lips, his fingers got tangled in her hair as he brought her face closer to his. Her hands skimmed over his ass.

He opened his eyes and watched the woman before him, but she wasn’t the one he wanted.

_It’s just pussy, Jax. You’ll get over it._

######################################

-“What are we going to do for your birthday?”

Neal asked as they sat on the couch, blankets covering them, watching _Captain America_. Tara’s head was on his lap, a bowl of popcorn on her stomach.

After chewing and swallowing the last popcorn, Tara looked up at him and answered.

-“ I don’t know. What are you planning?”

Neal smiled, stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

–“I was thinking we could organise it at the clubhouse. It’s big enough and we know the guys.”

Tara pondered for a few minutes, wondering how in the world could they celebrate her birthday party with all those guys and not so many women.

-“Ok. I’ll call my friends. I think they’ll like the idea.”

-“Great.”

He leaned and kissed her.

-“I love you.”

-“Love you more.” – she said.

######################################

Tara was leaned against the bar, the same shorts she was wearing the other day on her, save that the sports bra was maroon. Her hair was down, sunglasses perched on top of her head.

-“Bobby, would you mind if we organised my birthday party here?”

The man grinned, handing her a bottle of cold water she asked for.

-“Not at all. We organise parties all the time. Yours would just be special. ”

She beamed at him.

-“Thank you. We’ll take care of everything, so don’t worry about that.”

She opened the bottle and tilted her head back, gulping as she drank thirstily.

Jax came in from the back room just as a drop fell on her chest. His gaze followed the drop as it travelled down her chest, into her bra.

He gulped hard. His eyes were still glued to her chest when she spoke.

-“Hi, Teller.”

His eyes shot up, meeting her sparkling greens. Tara smiled at him, oblivious of what Jax was doing just seconds ago.

-“Hi, Knowles. Are you ready?”

He was shirtless again, his hair tied in a short messy bun. Tara’s eyes lingered just a second too long on his abs, before she dropped her gaze. She dug her phone out of her bag and dialled someone.

-“Yeah, just wait a second. I have to call Neal.”

Jax at the table behind her, and _fuck_ , he got the front row seat to Tara Knowles’s ass.

There were no underwear lines and he dare to wonder whether she was wearing a thong or nothing at all. It was perfectly round and just so inviting. He literally had to keep his hands clasped because if he hadn’t he was certain one of them would reach out to touch it.

Bobby saw him and arched his eyebrow at him, shaking his head.

_Fuck you, Elvis._

It wasn’t like he was intentionally looking at her. Ok, maybe he was. But fuck, She was hot, had a killer body and that ass was just so...

-“Done.”  -she turned to him. – “Let’s go!”

They walked to the gym with Jax desperately trying to look anywhere else but her ass.


	6. Practicing Punches and Watching A Hot Sweaty Dude

 

I know nothing about these exercises and whatnot, i used the Internet, so I apologise if I miswrote sth.

Sorry for typos and mistakes. 

Happy reading :3

 

Tara took off the hair band that was on her wrist and tied her hair in a ponytail. Jax walked behind her, his hands tucked into his pockets. He was acting odd.

-"How's your nose?"

-"Fine."

The guys that were in the gym greeted her by either whistling or some comment, like  _'finally some nice face to look at'_. She answered by waving at them.

To be honest, she didn't mind their playful ways. They were all nice to her and in the short time she spent here, none of them ever disrespected her.

They all minded their business, but still managed to crack jokes with her during their breaks. They were all like a big family and Tara was happy that she seemed to have found her place in the new environment.

-"Hey, what was that about a party I heard you talking?"

She turned on her heel, walking backwards as she spoke.

-"Oh, my birthday is coming up in about a month. Neal is planning a party in that honour and he suggested we do it here."

She turned around thinking she was close to the ring. She hit something sold. Somebody's hands held her steady before she was able to fall.

-"Watch where you're goin' mamacita."

Juice was wearing fingerless punching gloves, a black undershirt with sweat stains and dark green shorts that reached his knees. Beads of sweat were visible on his face as his lips stretched in an amused grin.

Tara rolled her eyes at him.

-"Juice,  _do not ever_  call me mamacita again."

She stepped back, only to hit Jax's front. She turned her head only to meet his confused gaze. He took a step back.

-"Hahaha sorry. I'll stick to Tara then?"

Frowning at Jax, she returned her attention to Juice, a smile spread on her face.

-"You know, I wouldn't mind a nickname, as long as it's not trampy or offensive."

He rubbed his hands together, then rested his index fingers against his lips.

-"Hmmm, let me think and I'll get back to you."

The both chortled.

-"Sure thing."

Juice hugged her and then walked away to his sparring partner. Apparently, today it was Kozik.

-"Where are you going?"

Tara was about to step on the mat when Jax's question made her stop. She stepped back frowning in confusion.

-"Aren't we supposed to continue where we left off?"

A smirk appeared on his face as he gestured towards one the punching bags.

-"Today, we work on your punches. Come."

He led her to the far corner of the gym where there weren't many people. Only Ratboy and some new kid were there, doing their workout routine.

Jax stood with his back to the standing punching bag, his legs spread and his hands clasp together, as he started explaining the reason behind today's lesson.

Tara was across from him, her arms crossed on her chest. She listened attentively.

-"There are many advantages of hitting a bag. First of all, it helps you build stamina and punching power. Secondly, it helps you with your metabolism. Lastly, it trains your whole body by activating as much muscle as possible."

She nodded on appreciation, with raised eyebrows.

-"I had no idea."

-"What I'm trying to say is that, we should first build your muscles. It will give you greater self confidence. Today, we're gonna practice punches and kicks. But first, you need to warm up."

Jax moved further away from the punching bag, his legs parted.

-"We're gonna do some joint exercises."

He started rotating first his right foot for about a minute, then the left one, Tara mirroring his actions.

They worked in silence, punching sounds echoing the gym.

Next, they worked on rotating their knees, left to right, right to left.

-"Ok, now, we do the hips."

_Ok, this is going to be weird._

It wasn't that Tara was a shy girl, far from it. But she had some limits. And that included rotating or whatever she was supposed to do with her hips.

She was in a gym full of men. And aside from occasional groupie that would come in every once in a while, she was the sole girl in this place.

Clearing her throat, she started to rotate her hips right to left, arms akimbo. She was mildly uncomfortable, hoping no one was looking at her or her shaking ass.

Jax was doing the same as she. Every time he arched backwards, his abs gleamed under the gym lights.

_Don't stare!_

So instead of looking at some guy's abs, Tara focused on his eyes.

Today, they were blue, like sea blue. They reminded her of someone else's eyes, she just couldn't remember whose.

Jax gave her a questioning look, probably creeped out by her staring. She just shook her head and gazed at the floor instead.

Next came the neck, shoulders, elbows and finally wrists. Finally, after ten minutes of complete silence, Jax spoke.

-"Good, now we're gonna skip rope for as long as you can. It increases your blood circulation and makes it easier to do the punches with muscles that had already been warmed up."

He handed her one of the jumping ropes and took one for himself.

-"Try not to bend your knees."

-"Why?"

-"Because it's the wrong way to do it."

-"I wasn't aware there was a right way. Why shouldn't I do it?"

-"'cause you cause all sorts of impact and damage to your knees. Just try jumping up and down."

He stood a few feet away from her and started skipping. Tara did the same.

She tried to focus on her own jumping, however she couldn't help but admire his physique and the fluency with which he performed the task.

She on the other hand tripped a few times, and almost fell on Jax _. Could I get more embarrassing than that?_

Apparently it could, since in spite of her wearing a sports bra, her boobs kept jumping along with her.

She noticed that Jax averted his gaze, looking at the ceiling rather than at her. Tara wondered if that was because he felt uncomfortable or because-

_Why in the world would she wonder anything?_

After what felt like eternity, Jax announced that they were to start punching exercises.

Dropping her rope, Tara fell on her knees, letting out a tired sigh.  _Why was this so hard?_

She was already sweaty, strands of her hair were glued to her forehead and she wished nothing more but to have a good and long shower. But alas, she had to continue with this torture.  _Which you wanted,_  she reminded herself.

After she and her friend Donna were attacked in front of a bar by two drunken idiots, Tara never quite recovered from that fright, and neither did Donna. Although the incident ended well for them, thanks to pepper spray, Tara vowed never to go out at night again. At least, not by herself or in just women's company.

One of the idiots pinned her to the wall and almost had his way with her, but she managed to take the pepper spray out of her jacket pocket and use it. Donna hit her assailant over the head with a trash can lid.

They hailed a cab and drove to Tara's. Both of them spent restless night, and after Tara told Neal what had happened, he wouldn't allow her to go anywhere without an escort.

A week after that, someone attacked her friend Daniel outside the bar they worked. His injuries were too severe and he didn't make.

This tragic event just boosted Tara's paranoia to the point she was scared to go out.

Moving to Charming and so conveniently having her fiancé sponsor a fighter was the best thing that could have happened. She hoped that with time and a few lessons in self defence, she could finally be her old outgoing self.

So, in spite of her aching muscles, Tara got up, retying her hair, and followed Jax to the punching bag.

Jax motioned for her to come closer, and she did, coming to stand on his right side. He took off his sneakers and she followed, taking off her own.

-"Now, you put your hands up to your chin, to protect your face. You stand, legs parted. Aim for the lower part, like it was somebody's leg. You do it like this."

He did just as he had instructed her, his right leg kicking the lower part of the bag. He repeated the motion a few more times, then asked Tara to do it herself.

She really admired his skill and concentration. His face became solemn, fully aware of his 'opponent'. His body immediately went into fighting mode and she could see, in those short few moves, why he was so proud of himself.

Also, he wasn't ugly to look at, with those flexing abs and-

_What in the world?_

As she stood in front of the bag, with her hands up and her leg about to kick, the fear she felt that night came back, washing over her. It was a wave of anxiety and trepidation, the same one that had been following her all these months.

-"Tara?"

Shaking her head, she tried to calm her nerves.

-"I'm fine."

She could see Jax nodding from the corner of her eye, so she just proceeded with the kick.

-"You have to turn your hip."

-"What?" - she turned to him.

He came behind her.

-"You have to rotate your hip as you kick, to maximize the power. Like this."

He put his hands on her hips and slightly rotated her. Weirdly, Tara felt his hands tremble. However, she didn't feel uncomfortable at the touch.

When she turned her head she was face to face with him, since he had lowered his head.

She could practically feel his warm breath on her face. She was looking him in his baby blues, sensing the shift of the atmosphere around them. Jax licked his lower lip and her eyes immediately followed that move. Tara gulped.

-"I-I got it" – she muttered, turning her head towards the bag.

He let go of her hips and Tara lamented that.

She ignored her own thoughts and feelings, concentrating on doing things right.

After she had done it right, they practiced for another 40 minutes, shifting between leg kicks and punches.

And 40 minutes later, Tara was spent. Every muscle in her body ached, including her knuckles, even though she had been wearing gloves, and she wasn't too pleased to look like she'd just been dumped into a pool of sweat.

Jax on the other hand, who switched between watching her and doing some of the kicks and punches himself, looked anything but tired. Yes, he was sweaty, but it looked good on him.

Tara dropped on the floor, back pressed against the wall, panting like crazy.

-"Knowles, you don't look too good." – Jax joked, arms crossed on his chest as he stood in front of her.

Tara looked at him with an annoyed expression, taking off her gloves and putting on her sneakers.

-"Fuck you. I had no idea this was so hard."

He chucked, leaning towards her with his arm extended.

-"Come, princess. Let's get you some water and some food."

Tara grabbed his arm and stood up. Her legs were like jello and she would have fallen, if Jax hadn't been quick and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to himself.

 _She was now leaned against his naked chest._   _His hands were pressed against his naked chest. No, this wasn't weird at all._

He pulled her up and when she was steady on her feet, he let go of her, his gaze travelling up and down her body. He cleared his throat. She noticed it, but brushed it off.

-"You ok?"

She smiled awkwardly.

-"Yeah. I'm just tired. Let's eat." – she said overenthusiastically, feeling something in her belly stir at their proximity.

They walked next to each other to the bar, all the while making sure not to be too close.

(Thoughts? I was struggling with that exercise part, idk if it's too dull, but I really wanted them to do sth, instead of making small talk. There will be time for that as well hihihi So, let me know what you think :D)


	7. My Thoughts of You

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

 

-"Where are we going?" - Tara asked him once they'd freshen up and Tara changed into a yellow sundress, her hair tied in a bun.

She had ballet flats on, sunglasses perched on top of her head.

-"Anywhere you want."

They came out of clubhouse, walking side by side. Jax's hands were in his pockets as he strode towards his bike.

He changed into a white undershirt and black shorts, his hair tied in a messy bun. He offered to carry her sports bag, but she refused.

-"Hmm, I'd love some cake."

Jax frowned, a questioning look on his face. Tara grinned.

-"I have a sweet tooth."

Jax mouthed to say she had everything sweet, but thankfully he didn't say anything.

It seemed as though ever dirty or semi dirty thing that came to his mind around her was just eating away at him, just wanting to come out. It was stupid and he knew it, but he just couldn't explain it.

He wanted to tell her how hot she looked while she jumped that rope. How amazing her legs and her whole stance had been while she punched that bag.

When he placed his hands on her hips, it was like that first day they had lessons all over again.

The smell of her hair had him lost in a cherry orchard for a moment, and he found himself inching to smell it some more, before he realised what he was doing. And by that time, his hands began to tremble at the contact with her body, his  index fingers brushing the skin above the hem of her shorts.

And when she turned her head and their lips were so close to each other, he just wanted to lean forward and taste them, see if they tasted anything like cherries.

Jax was confused to say the least. This was another guy's girl.  _What the fuck was he doing sniffing her hair and thinking of what her lips tasted like?_  She was off limits.

-"Ok, I'm takin' you to the best cake shop in town."

He shot her his signature smirk, only this time it was the most genuine smirk he'd ever given to any chick.

They  reached the lot and Jax straddled his bike, waiting for Tara to sit behind him. Instead, she just stood, looking at the bike.

-"Is this your bike?" - she asked wide eyed.

Jax's gaze dropped to his bike and he caressed it proudly.

-"Yeah. You ever been on a bike before?"

She sneered, rolling her eyes.

-"Of course. Neal has two, I think. Though, his are more modern or whatever you call it. I guess this is a classic."

Jax grinned.

-"Yeah. Hop on." - he said, tapping at the seat.

She arched an eyebrow and he thought she looked fucking adorable.

-"I'm in a fucking dress. How do you expect me to keep my ass covered while riding?"

Jax gulped.

 He definitely did not want anyone  staring at her naked ass, although he himself couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to have her naked on that same bike, doing all sorts of things with her...

-"You have your shorts, right? Put them on. I'll wait."

She sighed, her gaze darting across the lot as she chewed her lower lip.

-"I'll go change behind that car. Be right back."

She walked to the car, her dress fluttering around her. Jax watched her go and his eyes skimmed her slim figure and the way she swayed her hips.

He would have continued watching her if Winsome hadn’t shown up out of nowhere and pushed her tongue down his throat, her face obstructing his view of Tara.

-"What the fuck?" - he said pushing her away with an angry look on his face.

She stumbled on her heels.

-"I just wanted to kiss you. I haven't seen you in a while."

Covering his face with his hand, he let out an exasperating sigh.

This was good. He was Jax Teller. Women threw themselves at his feet.  _What the fuck did he get upset about?_

Plastering his smirk, he assessed her from head to toe, before pulling her closer.

-"Sorry, darlin'. You just surprised me, that's all."

He was well aware that she smelled of pot and booze, but he didn't care.

Kissing her hard on the lips, he closed his eyes imagining what it would be like to kiss Tara. Would her tongue assault his mouth like Winsome's did or would it lazily play with his tongue?

His hand travelled down her body, cupping her ass. She gasped into his mouth, her bitter breath mixing with his.

And then he felt her approaching him.

It was the weirdest shit ever.

 He got goosebumps all over his skin, his head turning naturally in her direction without him even wanting it. His hands immediately left Winsome's body, slightly pushing her away from him.

-"Wow, Teller! I leave you alone for one second and you immediately find some entertainment."

Dropping his head he snickered, while Winsome looked really pissed that her time with Jax was cut short.

-"You his girl or sometin'?" - she spat, tossing her long brown hair back.

Jax lifted his head to look at Tara. She lifted her brows and pointed her finger at herself.

-"Me? Oh, no no no. This one is all yours, honey. I have my own man."

A pained expression flashed Jax's face. His jaw clenched, his hands gripping hard the handles of his bike.

It felt like something had stung his heart.

Tara said the words with such certainty, that it took him a few moments to realise that her words were not supposed to affect him. After all, she was right.

She had her man. A nice guy who loved her. Who by the way was his sponsor and wouldn't appreciate knowing that his fiancé’s words hurt Jax's ego and, he would never admit it, his feelings.

It wasn't just about what she had said. It was how she had said it that bothered him. Like there was no chance in hell she would ever be with a guy like him.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why do I care?_

-"I'm just helpin' her with something."

Jax kissed Winsome one more time, this  time more forcefully, like he had something to prove. He made sure he made her moan loudly before letting her go, with her lips swollen from his onslaught.

From the corner of his eye he saw that Tara blushed, and he was inexplicably happy to see her like that. She was obviously uncomfortable to have witnessed this spit exchange.  _Good_ , he thought,  _that's how I felt watching you and your boyfriend the other day._

His behaviour was borderline childish.  _What business did he have making Tara uncomfortable? What's it to him?_

-"See you later, Jax."

Winsome waved at him and walked away without giving a second glance to Tara.

-"Are you done with your groupies or are we waiting for more to show up?"

Her tone was mildly irritated, her arms crossed on her chest. Jax wanted to believe that irritation was because she saw him kissing another girl rather than because she was anxious to go to the cake shop.

-"Jealous?" - He asked with a crooked smirk, gauging her reaction.

She blushed again and Jax  fought back a laugh. She  _was_  jealous.

-"Yeah, Teller. I'm jealous of some groupie shoving her tongue down your throat so unattractively while smelling like a dumpster. Please."

She rolled her eyes at him.

-"Maybe you'd like to show me an attractive way of shoving your tongue down my throat?" - he joked.

Tara walked up to him and sat behind him on his bike, wrapping her arms around his torso.

-"Ha ha ha. Very funny. There's only one guy I'm shoving my tongue into, and it ain't you, Teller."

His heart clenched again.

 What was with her words that hurt him so much? She was right.  _She had a boyfriend, a fiancé,_   _for fuck sake,_ he repeated to himself for the umpteenth time.  _What the fuck was he trying to do, saying all those idiocies?_

-"Your loss, babe."

_And here he goes again. The fuck, Teller?_

He turned on the engine, and soon they sped through the down, a gentle breeze caressing their skin.

Jax had to remind himself that Tara wasn't just any girl on his bike, because he half expected her to reach down and stroke his pulsating cock.

The warmth of her palms pressed against his torso was almost unbearable. It spread through his body like a wildfire threatening to consume him all.

He heard her laugh and he glanced at the side mirror. Her head was tossed back, a wide smile playing on her lips, her eyes shielded by her sunglasses.

 Her dress was fluttering on the breeze, exposing her thighs. Jax wished nothing more but to reach out and caress them, feel her soft naked skin under his fingers.

######################################################################

**Flash Forward**

_-“Tara I can explain.”_

_-“What, Jackson? What can you explain?”- she screamed, tossing a lamp in his direction._

_Jax quickly ducked, and the lamp hit the wall behind him. The light bulb shattered._

_-“Babe, please!” – Jax pleaded, his hands clasped together as in a prayer._

_Tears streamed down her cheeks, her throat hurt from all the yelling and she felt her knees giving up. She dropped to the floor, sobs escaping her lips. She was shaking._

_-“You son of a bitch! How could you do this to me?”_

_Her heart was crushed in smithereens. There was nothing left. It was all a lie._

_-“Please, babe.”_

_Jax crawled to her, reaching out to take her hand.  She winced at his touch._

_-“Get away from me!”_

_She got up and wiped her tears. Pointing a finger at him, she cried out:_

_-“I hate you with every fibber of my being. If you come anywhere close to me, I’ll end you.”_

_Jax mouthed to say something, but her words shocked him. He felt his throat go dry._

_-“You don’t mean that. Yo-you don’t hate me.”_

_-“I do.”_

_He couldn’t breathe. It was like she knocked the air out of his lungs with her words._

_-“Tar-”_

_-“Fuck you, Teller! Do not dare to follow me!”_

_She stormed out of his room, leaving Jax in a state of complete disbelief._

_He pulled himself to the wall, leaning against it. He felt his heart constrict and in matter of seconds, Jax started crying._

_He cried for hours, not bothering to wipe the tears. Every once in a while, a scream would escape his lips._

_He sounded like a dying animal pleading for someone to save it. But no one was there. The only person who could save him was gone._

_She was gone. She left him. She was gone._

_It  was all his fucking fault..._


	8. Have You any Idea What You’re Doing to Me?

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Jax parked his bike outside the cake shop. A Red flickering sign that stood above the entrance said 'Charmingly Sweet'.

Tara got off the bike and adjusted her dress, pulling it down. Jax  walked up to her and waited for her to finish adjusting it, his eyes never leaving her.

Tara turned her head towards the store window and her eyes widened. Jax saw her gulp as she soaked in the sight of various cupcakes, muffins, brownies, bundts, pies, and cakes.

-"Oh, my God! This is the most beautiful shop window I've ever seen!- said Tara, leaning forward to get the  full view.

Jax laughed and took her hand pulling her towards the door. He opened the door and let her in.

-"I think I'm in heaven."

The shop was relatively big, with tea rose wallpapers, adorned with images of various kinds of cakes. The  four long counters that stretched along the right side of the shop held apple turnovers, pumpkin pies, apple pies, cherry pies, coffee cake, chocolate cake, blueberry, cranberry, almond, hazelnut, and other kinds of muffins, lemon curd, and God knows how many more sweets. On the left side were the booths with beige leather.

Tara's gaze darted from counter to counter, breathing in the beautiful smell of all those cakes.

-"I knew you'd like it." - Jax said grinning, his hand at the small of her back as he guided her to the counters.

It was weird and kind of nice. She knew she should say something, tell him that’s not appropriate but for some reason she didn’t.

Instead, she wanted to lean back and rest her head on his shoulder.

_Where the hell did these thoughts come from?_

-"Hi there. Jax, what're you doing here?"

A red haired girl, probably around eighteen years of age, with wide smile and red apron came around the counter.

-"Hey, Trinity. How's it goin'?" – Jax smirked, and the girl blushed.

-“It’s pretty slow today. Is this your girl?” – Trinity nodded in Tara’s direction.

Tara moved away from Jax, and his hand was left holding air.

_Did they really look like a boyfriend and a girlfriend?_

Tara flushed, but quickly recovered and responded jokingly:

-“He’d be lucky to get a girl like me.”

Trinity chuckled and Tara joined in.

-“I guess you’re right. His usual type are blonds.”

Tara glanced at Jax and saw that he was red in face, looking at her with... Anger?

Maybe she went too far with her remark. She didn’t mean to offend him. It was just that whenever she was with him, people seemed to assume that they were a couple. Even his ‘girlfriends’ assumed she was with Jax.

Oddly enough, that didn’t bother her. And the fact that it didn’t bother her was what bothered her. _For God’s sake, she had a finance. Why would she even think of another guy?_

When she saw him with that brunette at the lot, she felt a strange feeling in her stomach. And no, it wasn’t jealousy like Jax had said. It couldn’t be. It would be stupid to be jealous of a girl she didn’t know  kissing a guy she did know.

Even though she thought that kiss was hot. He was probably a good kisser. Those lips were just perfect for it. And he seemed like an expert because he had that girl moan in a second.

_Why in the world was she thinking about that?_

-“Oh, come on, Jax. I didn’t mean it like that. ”

Before she was even aware of what she was doing, she got on her toes and kissed his cheek.

Trinity laughed as Jax’s expression changed from stern to an amused look. He rolled his eyes at Tara, but still kept a smile on his face.

-“I’m Tara, by the way.”

-“Trinity. What can I get you?”

Tara bit her lower lip and glanced left and right, looking indecisive.

-“Do you have cheesecake? With cherry topping?”

Trinity nodded before she spoke cheerfully.

-“Sure. You guys sit and I’ll  get you your order.”

Trinity was on her way to the second counter when Jax asked:

-“Are you goin’ to take my order?”

Trinity turned, confused.

-“But you don’t eat cakes. You always say these are loaded with sugar, bad fats and carbs.”

He shrugged.

-“Well, today I want to have a cake.”

-“Ok, what do you want?”

-“Same as Tara.”

Jax and Tara sat opposite each other at a booth. Trinity came and placed their orders on the table, then headed back to her working place.

Jax watched as Tara’s eyes practically sparkled while she was looking at the cake. He wished he was that cake.

_What the fuck?_

Tara took a bite of her cake, and closed her eyes, savouring the taste of it. She chewed slowly, and before she knew it, a moan escaped her lips.

-“This is sooo good. It’s like an orgasm in your mouth. A foodgasm.”

Jax almost choked with his bite. He started coughing and Tara reached forward to pat his back. Only now, Jax’s face was dangerously close to her cleavage and he started coughing even more.

-“Trinity, could you bring some water here, please?” – Tara cried out as she came around Jax and patted him harder on the back.

Finally he stopped coughing just as Trinity brought a glass of water.

-“Fuck, you look terrible. Are you ok now?”

Jax drank the water thirstily. His face was red and stained with tears that came down his cheeks from that forceful cough. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself.

He looked up at Tara who was gently massaging his back, her forehead wrinkled in worry.

-“Are you ok?”

_Damn you and your mouth, Tara._

-“Yes.” – he said croakily.

Trinity sighed and went, leaving them alone again. Tara returned to her seat.

-“Damn, Teller. This is the second time I made you cry.” – Tara said, trying to lighten the mood, referring to her punching him in the nose.

Jax grinned weakly. That was it. He couldn’t take it anymore.

-“Do you have a mouth filter or something?” – he finally asked.

Tara arched her brow, unsure what he was trying to say.

-“What do you mean?”

Jax sighed exasperatedly,  leaning back.

-“Those fucking innuendos. How are you not aware what you say?”

She stopped her fork midair.

-“What innuendos?”

-“Are you telling me you have no idea what comes out of your mouth?”

-“Words?” – she said sheepishly.

-“’Orgasm in your mouth’, ‘Oh, I can scream’, ‘I’m a big girl. I know what men have’, ‘I’m always gentle’.” – he imitated her with a girlish voice. – “Sound familiar? ”

She squinted at him, pouting. Then she let out a long ‘oooooooooo’. Biting her lip, she looked guiltily at him.

-“Please tell me I didn’t say all those things.”

He leaned forward, tangling his fingers on the table and with a smirk whispered:

“Yeah, you did.”

She dropped her fork and covered her face with her hands.

-“Oh, my God. I’m so sorry.”

He laughed, taking her hands to uncover her face.

-“It’s ok.”

She lifted her gaze to his.

-“This is just terrible. I’m terrible. Wow.” – then she frowned at him. – “Wait, is that why you coughed? Because I said orgasm?”

He nodded.

-“It’s not a dirty word.”

-“You moaned.”

Another ‘o’ came from her lips. She cleared her throat and straightened her back.

-“And you’re a guy and that made you hard?”

Jax’s eyes widened and he let go of her hands.

-“Oh my God, you’re hard right now, aren’t you?”

-“No, I’m not!” -  he said in a childish manner, readjusting himself on his seat.

Tara laughed.

-“Yes, you are! Hahaha, I can’t believe this!”

He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself because, here she was, the reason for his boner, laughing at him because he got hard. And it was her fault in the first place.

-“Well, you should watch what you say and how you say it.” – Jax hissed, tapping with his foot nervously.

She was still laughing and Jax fought hard not to laugh himself. She looked adorable, her laughter was infectious and after a few moments, he joined her.

-“Knowles, stop it.”

They laughed for a few more minutes, before she could calm herself. Her muscles ached from laugher and she took a deep breath to stop  another wave of laughter coming up.

-“Ok, I’m cool now.”

She started eating her cake again and Jax his. Then, after a few minutes she asked:

-“Wait, I thought you weren’t supposed to eat cakes.”

Her finished his bite before he answered with a smirk.

-“I’m allowed to cheat from time to time.”

Tara looked into his blue eyes and it was like she was hypnotise.

-“Well then, I’m glad you’re cheating with me.”

Now, Tara was not aware what she had said. At least, she wasn’t aware of the meaning of her words. After all, they were talking about cake.

Jax on the other hand... His breath caught in his throat at her words. Another wave of arousal shot through his body at the mere tough of him and her. He gulped, unable to look away. Her eyes were holding his gaze. Her voice was soft.

He shook his head to break the trance. Tara shook her head too, finally able to think straight.

-“So, do you have any siblings?”

His expression became a pained one.

-“Yeah. I got a younger brother.”

Tara noticed his tone.

-“Did something happen between you two?”

Jax shook his head.

-“No. It’s just that...”

Jax had never before uttered how jealous he was of his brother. For some, again inexplicable, reason he told Tara.

-“He was always better than me. He had good friends, he got to finish college, he has a good job. I ended up with shitheads of friends, spent five years in prison. I never finished high school. I could find  a job so I had to start fighting.”

Tara took his hand and spoke softly.

-“Jax, just because he has succeeded in all that, doesn’t make you  less worthy than him. It just means that you have made some bad decisions in your youth. But look at you now. You have girls throwing themselves at you, you’re a great fighter, you’ve won a lot of fights.  You are good at this, and he’s good at something else. We’re not all the same.”

He smiled weakly, his gaze dropping to her hand on his.

-“Yeah. But after I got out of prison, I saw the way my mom acted around me. Like she was waiting for me to make another mistake, to go back the old path. She hates me doing this. She keeps comparing me to my brother and I just... I can’t-”

He sighed, feeling the lump in his throat. _Was he really this bitter?_

Tara cupped his chin and lifted his head so that they eyes met.

-“You are who you are. Just because your mom was like that, it doesn’t mean she loved you any less than your brother. She was just a worried mother. And I’m sure your brother loves you. Please, Jax. Don’t harbour these kinds of feelings. They will destroy you in the end.”

-“You’re smart, Knowles.”

-“Yes, I am.” – she said, finishing her cake.

She waited until Jax finished his. After that, Tara said she was going to pay, but Jax wouldn’t let her. He paid Trinity and guided Tara to his bike, his hand placed on her lower back again.

She instructed him to her and Neal’s house and after twenty minutes, he parked his bike and she got off,  then turned to him, who was still on his bike.

-“Thank you for helping me with these lessons. And thank you for the cake.”

Jax beamed at her.

-“No problem, I had fun.”

Tara turned to leave, only to stop midway and return.

-“Also, I’m sorry about the boner.” – she said honestly.

They chuckled and she went up the path to the door. Jax watched her until she got into the house, then whispered:

-“I’m not.”

 


	9. You Are Very Intriguing

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

When Tara got home, Neal was already in bed, working on his laptop. He seemed very concentrated on his work that Tara didn’t want to interrupt him.  But he heard her footsteps and glanced up before she left the room.

-“Hi, stranger. ”

He greeted her with his most sincere, bone melting smile. She beamed at him, leaning against the doorframe.

-“Hi. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

He typed something before he glanced back up and answered.

-“You’re not interrupting me. I’m just reviewing some reports. Come.” – he tapped her side of the bed.

Tara walked to him and kissed him on the lips before she went to her closet.

-“I’m just gonna have a quick shower, and then I’ll join you.”

Pulling out her blue pyjama shorts and matching top, she went to the bathroom.  She took off her dress, the shorts she had underneath it, and her underwear then turned on the shower.

She waited until the water was just the right temperature to step in. As the warm water washed away the sweat and relaxed her tired muscles, Tara reflected on her day.

Organising her birthday party at the clubhouse was probably the best idea ever, since it was big enough to hold all her guests, including the SAMCRO guys, but it also had some mixture of homey and club atmosphere. That was probably due to the fact that the guys were practically living there.

Jax told her in one of their conversations that most of the older guys had their rooms there, because they were unmarried and dreaded coming to an empty home. Besides, this way they were close to their friends and they didn’t have to drive to get to the gym.

The younger guys had either their own places because they wanted privacy or were living with their girlfriends.

When she asked him whether or not he lived with his girlfriend, Jax just laughed, as if something like that was an absurdity. He told her that he too lived in the club, alone he emphasised. He explained that he didn’t want to waste money by renting a house, since it was a lot cheaper to rent a room in the clubhouse.

Tara sensed a hint of sadness in his voice as he talked.

 And it was then that she remembered their chat from her first night in Charming, when he told her that he had to provide for his mother and himself. Their today’s talk gave her more insight into that blond guy who had managed to intrigue her in just two days.

Tara massaged her sore thighs with a soaped sponge. She felt like someone had beaten her up when in fact she was the one who kicked the punching bag’s ass.

Her thoughts drifted back to Jax.

His confession was... kind of heartbreaking. She had no idea he was in prison. Tara couldn’t imagine what he could have done to end up in a place like that.

She didn’t want to ask him anything about it. It was something personal. Besides, with the attitude as bright as his, Tara doubted that he did anything serious, like God forbid, murder or rape.

She didn’t know him all that well, but she had a feeling about him, something that told her that Jax wasn’t a bad guy.

True, from the moment she met him, something in her screamed _danger._   However, something in her kept pulling her towards him.

The _danger_ part, she knew well, was not because of his appearance or his behaviour, because he looked damn fine and was nice and respectful towards her. And when she found out a little about his past, she realised that it wasn’t because of that either.

 It wasn’t that feeling you get when you know you’re in trouble or when your life is threatened. It was something else. Something that made her want to be near him.

_Maybe it was because he was a broken soul,_ Tara thought.

Even thought Jax oozed with confidence and had all those women at his beck and call, the little time she had spent with him, gave her an impression that maybe most of it was a farce.

When he talked about his brother and himself and the jealousy he felt towards him, Tara sensed hurt in his voice. It was like talking to a child in a grown man’s body. It seemed to Tara that Jax had been dragging these feelings behind him for the greater part of his life, and by the looks of it, it didn’t do him much good.

Sure, on the surface he was a playful guy, but those few sentences let Tara know just how strained the relationship between the brothers was. Especially since his brother was younger than him.

Tara didn’t have any siblings, but she did have Donna, who was the closest thing to a sister. She couldn’t imagine hating her.

Maybe she could talk to Jax and make him see that he shouldn’t look down on his own achievements, no matter how small they seemed to him in comparison to his brother’s.

Tara stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a big fluffy towel. After she had dried her hair and put on her pyjama, she crawled into the bed, resting her head on Neal’s shoulder.

He turned off his laptop and shoved it under the bed, then pulled Tara into a tight embrace.

-“I missed you today. I haven’t seen you all day.”

She lifted her head and kissed him, snuggling closer to his side.

“I missed you too. Jax gave me a killer lesson today.”

Neal chuckled, kissing her hair and pushing her away.

-“What are you doing?” – Tara asked confused.

-“I’m going to give you a massage.”

Neal turned her back to him and started massaging her shoulders and shoulder blades. Tara tilted her head forward and closed her eyes, already feeling the stress leaving her body.

-“I keep forgetting how good your are at this.”

He leaned and kissed her neck. It was a soft and gentle kiss that woke all sorts of fuzzy feelings inside of her.

-“So, what did you do today?”

Tara let out a satisfied sigh when Neal’s hands moved down her back, massaging her sore muscles.

-“Well, I kicked some ass and now my whole body hurts. Also, we went to some cake shop. I’ll take you there one of these days, you’ll love it. I saw that they have your favourite: pineapple upside-down cake.”

-“You know”- Neal started, his hands travelling to her front and cupping her breasts – “I might start to get jealous of Jax.”

Tara laughed, but her laughter was cut off by a slight shock of pleasure that shot through her body as Neal brushed his fingers across her nipples. He rolled her nipples between his thumb and index finger as Tara leaned her head on his shoulder and let out a small cry of pleasure.

Neal traced soft kisses down her jaw and neck and she felt the familiar sensation in her panties.

Tara turned and placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing him down on the bed. She straddled him, brushing her hair to the side and leaning forward. Neal’s hands were on her thighs, a mischievous smirk playing on his face.

-“No need to be jealous, baby. You’re all I need.”

And with that, Tara invaded his mouth with her tongue, as Neal pushed down her shorts and panties.

###########################################################

-“What‘re you thinking about?”

Jax turned towards the voice that belonged to the brunette who was currently sprawled naked on his bed.

_Was she really asking him that?_

-“Nothing. My fight.” – he lied, returning his gaze to the ceiling.

He was thinking about Tara.

He was attracted to her, that much was obvious. Her curves, her ass, her lips, her eyes. She was smokin’ hot without even trying to be.

But it was something completely else that was on his mind at that moment. It was the fact the he could hold a normal, actual conversation with her.  Never would he thought of telling anyone about his feelings towards Thomas.

She was smart and funny. Being in her company was anything but boring.

She excited him in a way he wasn’t used to. Sure, the physical attraction was what kept him painfully aware of her, but it was her wits and playful banter that held his attention.

Tara didn’t even have to say a single word, and Jax was already aware of her presence, her proximity to him.

He felt guilty for even thinking about her in that way.

-“Earth to Jax!” – Winsome called.

Jax sighed, already bored.

-“Leave me alone, Winsome.” – he said, turning his back to her.

-“But, Jax-” – she started, her hand caressing his biceps.

-“Leave!”  -he growled, not bothering to look at her.

Winsome stood up and gathered her things, then slowly got dressed, wishing Jax would call her back to bed. He didn’t, so she left his room.

Jax drifted to sleep with thoughts of Tara in her yellow sundress on his bike, his hands wrapped around his torso.


	10. Can’t You See me?

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

 

For the following two weeks, Jax and Tara hadn't seen much of each other. Jax's fight was coming up and Tara didn't want to mess with his routine.

She would come early in the morning and have her self defence classes with whomever was available at a given day. It was usually Juice, though Kozik and Miles also helped.

Tara enjoyed spending time with them. They would usually crack jokes and tease each other, but when it came to practicing some moves, things were always serious.

By the time she was done with her lessons, she would be exhausted and could barely think straight.

She would only see Jax in passing or in a distant part of the gym, rehearsing. Tara didn't want to waste his valuable time, so she would just wave at him and give him an encouraging smile before she went her way.

What Tara didn't know was that Jax was actually offended by her refusal to let him train her.

_Did she really think he wouldn't find time for her?_

She could have waited for him to finish, and then he would practice with her. It would be no problem for him. Moreover, he would gladly spend time with her.

_So why didn't she want to spend time with him?_

She told him that she didn't want to disturb him or his routine.

But the fact that she was practising with someone else other than him disturbed him even more.

Whenever he would glance at her at the other part of the gym, one of the guys would have his hands on her.

Granted, there was probably nothing overly sexual in their interaction, since they knew Tara was taken. Surely, they were just showing her the right way to do something.

It annoyed him nevertheless.

And when he would hear her laugh, he had to stop whatever he was doing and turn, just to look at her in all her beauty. Her laughter would ring out in his head long after she'd stopped laughing and concentrated on the task at hand.

She was distracting him more now than when she was with him.

At least then he knew that she was beside him. He could observe her, admire her from up close and still be engrossed in their lesson.

However, for the past two weeks, he had barely managed to focus.

He didn't want to admit this, but he missed her. What Jax didn't understand was, how in the world could he miss someone with whom he had spent just two days?

But he did miss her.

He missed her cherry scent that engulfed him whenever he was near her, her ponytail that had hit him in the face more than once.

He missed watching her forehead wrinkle as she prepared to deliver a punch, and the way she would roll her eyes whenever he would say something stupid. The thing he missed the most were her innuendos.

It amazed him that she was able to turn him on with just her words, completely unintentionally.

Jax delivered the last kick to the punching bag before he took off his gloves and drank some water, then made his way across the gym, where Tara sat on the bench, surrounded by Juice, Kozik, Kip, Rat, and two new guys  he hadn't met yet.

Tara was saying something and the guys were laughing. Jax sat on the bench beside her, a little too close perhaps, but he didn't register that.

Instead he looked at her up close for the first time in days and he felt his stomach flip at the mere proximity of her.

_She was fucking gorgeous. She looked even more beautiful than the last time he saw her._

Today, she was wearing olive green tank top with black shorts. He gulped.

_Were those shorts shorter than the ones she usually wore?_

Also, her legs looked more toned, more muscly.

-"What're you laughing at?" - he asked when he finally managed to peel his eyes away from her thighs, still panting from his workout.

-"Tara was telling us a joke."

One of the new guys answered, his hands in his pockets, looking at Tara with puppy dog eyes, like he expected her to reach up and pat him or something.

Jax immediately decided he didn't like him.

_Fucker. Why the fuck was he looking at Tara like that? He better not be touching himself or he would cut off his junk._

Jax rolled his eyes at the guys, just wishing that he could be alone with Tara. And like God sent, Chibs came yelling at them to go back to practicing and sparing. Jax couldn't help but grin. He now had Tara all to himself.

-"So, how is your training going?" - she asked as she turned to him and straddled the bench.

-"It's going well." - he lied.

Jax couldn't actually admit to Tara that she was on his mind for the past fortnight when he was supposed to be thinking of his fight and the possible opponent. He couldn't tell her that he was thinking about her in not so innocent way. It would be too weird to tell her that she was in his dirty dreams, that it was hard for him to concentrate when she was so close but so far away from him.

It was going well, but not as well as he had hoped.

-"Neal told me this fight's important."

Sighing, Jax nodded.

The fight was just one in the series of more serious ones that he was supposed to have. It meant more cash but also more serious opponents who were more driven towards winning by hook or by crook.

He mimicked her move, turning to face her by straddling the bench.

-"Yeah. It means more money that I could send to my mom. And it means more cred for me among the other fighters. "

Tara nodded, understanding what he had meant by that.

 Neal explained some of the terms and things to her, and she knew that winning this fight would earn Jax more respect among his fellow fighters.

-"I know you'll win. I totally believe in you.”

At that, Jax blushed. Like actually blushed. _Did Tara notice it?_

She continued – “Besides, who would stand you brooding all the time if you lost?"

They both laughed looking at each other, and just like that, it was like those two weeks apart never happened. Jax felt his mood brighten and his spirits lift as he watched small wrinkles appear at the corner of her lips as they spread into a wide grin, directed at him.

_Forget about it, Jax._

-"Thanks. So, how are your lessons going?"

Tara smiled, glancing at Juice and Miles who were sparing at the moment, then back at Jax.

-"Good. The guys are really nice and are helping me big time." - she answered.

-"Oh, yeah? Are they better than me?"

That was meant to sound playful, but there was some strain in his voice as he said it. He really hoped she would say no. He _wanted_ her to say no.

Tara chuckled, tilting her head to the side and arching her brow, a crooked grin on her face.

-"Maybe."

Jax gulped, licking his lower lip, then drawing it between his teeth in an attempt to hide the hurt he felt.

Tara swatted his arm, laughing.

-"Kidding. I'm kidding, Teller. God, you're such a man. You're all great."

-"But did you miss me?" - he wiggled his brow with a smug grin on his face.

Tara rolled her eyes, but smiled anyway.

-"Honestly? Yeah. I like our banter. But I prefer you win the fight than to blame _me_ for possible failure."

She got up, taking her sports bag and swinging it over her shoulder. Jax followed her as she left the gym.

-"I wouldn't necessarily blame you. I'd blame myself for letting myself get distracted by you."

She laughed and bumped his shoulder.

-"Shut up, Teller."

Jax ravished at the touch of her skin against his. But all too soon, she pulled away, waving at Neal who was waiting for her on the parking lot.

-"See you, Teller. Good luck with your fight." -  she said, walking backwards.

-"You're gonna be there, right?"

It sounded like a plea. It was a plea. He wanted her there. He wanted to see her smile at him when he won.

-"Of course. Wouldn't miss it!"

Grinning, she turned her back to him as she walked towards Neal. They hugged and kissed, but Jax pretended not to care.

She was going to see him fight and that was all that mattered. And Jax be damned if he didn't win.

 


	11. ‘Cause I See You

The fight scene was written by my dear friend **princessjazzie,** since I’m not a native speaker of English and I lack in terminology. This is her username on ff net, so please, go check out her SoA fan fiction. She's awesome.

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

It was the night of the fight, which was organised in one of the larger gyms in Lodi, a town not far from Charming.

The guys were all there, but Neal wasn't there yet, meaning that Tara hadn't arrived either.

 Jax wondered what she would be wearing that night. He hoped it would be something-

_Focus, Jax! Focus!_

After warming up in the locker room and talking to Chibs, who gave him some advice, Jax walked out of the locker room feeling pretty pumped about his fight.

He knew he was good, better than good. Still, he hadn’t met his opponent yet, but he did hear some things about him that weren’t all that good.

The crowd cheered loudly when they saw him making his way into the makeshift ring.  

Jax saw that Ima, Wendy, and Winsome came to support him, but somehow, it didn’t really matter to him. They would come whenever he had a fight, but it wasn’t like their presence did anything to motivate him.

_Though, they did know how to congratulate him every single time,_ he smirked at the thought.

Jax looked around the crowd of onlookers, whose bodies formed a makeshift ring, trying to spot his opponent for the evening.

Not seeing anyone that called out to him as worthy of the nickname ‘Rampage’, he made his way over to the edge of the ring to talk to Chibs and Tig.

Jax bounced from foot to foot, jabbing the air to stay loose as he talked to them. After what seemed like an eternity, Tig motioned for Jax to stop and turn around.

Upon turning around, Jax saw the crowd parting for a man that looked to be about 6’ 5” in height. As he approached, Jax realised his height wasn’t going to be the only potential issue.

Frankie ‘Rampage’ Henderson was not only tall, but he looked to be a good 275 pounds of solid muscle with a reach of 84”.

After shaking his head to clear the sudden unease of seeing his much larger opponent, Jax held out his taped hand in front of him, as a means to say ‘let’s do this’.

Rampage raised an eyebrow to Jax’s outstretched hand before pushing it aside with his own right.

Catching Jax off guard by his behaviour, he was able to land a hit with his left.

Momentarily stunned by the hit to the temple, Jax took a teetering step backwards. Without moving, Rampage threw a straight, jab, right hook combo followed by a kick to Jax’s now hunched-over frame. The kick knocked Jax backward a few feet.

Jax however only allowed himself a second to get back into guard. Sensing his opponent nearing, Jax looked up in time to see Rampage approaching him like a raging bull for the takedown.

In response, Jax stumbled mere inches out of Rampage’s reach.

Charging past his opponent, Rampage turned on his heels to go after Jax yet again. Only, he found himself connecting with Jax’s outstretched fist.

Not missing a beat, Jax hit him with a left and a right jab followed by a few quick knees to the body and a punch to the liver.

With Rampage’s body doubled over, Jax caught a glimpse of his Tara on the edge of the ring behind his opponent, and his breath caught in his throat.

 She was surrounded by Neil and members of his club.

She looked beautiful with her long brown hair cascading down to the middle of her back in loose curls.

Not to mention how hot she looked in her skinny black jeans, red tartan shirt that showed just a bit of her cleavage, and fire engine red stilettos.

He felt a twinge of hurt as he realized she was busy talking to the guys to notice him or to even bother watching the fight.

He couldn’t hear what they were saying because the noise was too loud, but he could bet it was something obscene because she pushed Juice away playfully, as she threw her head back, obviously laughing at something he said. He saw that Juice’s eyes travelled south to her cleavage and Jax felt his blood boil.

_Dammit, Juice!_

He kept punching and kicking this leviathan of a man, trying to concentrate on the fight and avoiding Rampage’s hits. But his eyes would wander to her every now and then it just irked him to know she was there, but not paying him any attention.

Jax was determined to get her attention one way or another.

After struggling to free himself from Rampage’s grasp, Jax grabbed onto his shoulder, connecting a hard knee to the head, knocking him out for the count.

The referee raised Jax’s hand as to show the audience who the winner was, as if that wasn’t clear enough.

Jax snuffed, huffing and puffing as he tried to get his breathing under control. He pushed his damp hair out his face, his eyes searching for her.

Tig, Chibs, and Clay approached him, patting him on the back and congratulating him. The crowd joined them, praising Jax and his technique.

They led him to the locker room as Jax turned his head left and right to see Tara, but there were too many people around him that he barely even saw his own friends.

After a few quick pictures in his sponsored attire and some short interview for the local newspapers, Jax showered and put on a clean white shirt and zip up hoodie that also bore the logo of Neal’s company.

When he left the locker room, his sports bag in his hand, he was met by Tara, who was apparently waiting for him outside the gym.

She wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders and hugged him tightly, then kissed his cheek. Jax’s arm came around her lower back as he buried his face into her hair, inhaling the scent that he had missed so much. He felt an immense pleasure to have her in his arms for the first time, even if it was just to hug her.

Her body felt so right pressed against his, that he could barely form a coherent thought that didn’t involve pinning her to the nearby wall and taking her right there. He felt himself getting _too happy,_ so he drew back, hoping she didn’t notice.

Her face bore a huge grin and her eyes sparkled as she looked at him.

“Congrats, Teller! You were amazing!”

He grinned back, though he couldn’t help but snap a little at her.

-“How would you know, Knowles? You weren’t even watching the fight.”

She scowled at him, crossing her arms on her chest.

-“What? I sure did.”

He tilted his head to the side, feeling a little annoyed. He shoved his hand in the pocket of his hoodie as he looked at her.

-“When? You were too busy chatting up with Ortiz.”

As it dawned on her what Jax was referring to, Tara stifled a laugh. But the corners of her lips twitched, and she burst out laughing which made him even more irritated.

-“You’re such a child, Teller. It was just a moment, believe it or not. Hahaha,seriously though. ”

-“Don’t laugh at me.”

“God, you’re such an attention seeker.”

_No, I’m not. I just want **your** attention_ , he thought, bowing his head.

-“Come. We’re going to celebrate your big victory.”

Tara pulled him by his arm to the parking lot, where all of the SAMCRO guys and Neal were waiting. They congratulated him once more.

Jax felt a tug of jealousy as Tara sat on Neal’s bike, her arms wrapping around his waist, his hands dangerously close to the lower part of his body.

He shook his head, trying to chase away his stupid thoughts.

Then they all straddled their bikes and rode back to the clubhouse, where they were supposed to celebrate.

###################################################

Jax’s victory was bitter sweet.

 He got to see Tara smiling at him, looking hot as fuck in those stilettos that made her ass look mighty fine and that shirt which made him lick his lips at the mere thought of what might be hiding underneath it.

Sitting at the bar and stealing glances at her, he couldn’t help but think what it would be like to peel it off her, slowly. His fingers itched to take off her jeans and caress every inch of her body, soaking in every part of her. He imagined fucking her on his bed, with nothing but those red stilettos on her.

-“Baby, I believe congratulations are in order.”

Ima came around him and kissed him on the lips, shoving her tongue into his mouth, then she withdrew it, tracing kisses down his jaw and neck.

It didn’t feel right to Jax. None of it did.

But he glanced at Tara who was sitting on Neal’s lap, his hand resting on her thigh. Her hands were around his neck and she was kissing him. The kiss looked too intimate to Jax. His jaw twitched at the sight.  He felt sick to his stomach just by looking at them.

And that was the bitter part of his victory.

-Let’s go.”

Jax glanced at Tara for the last time before he took Ima, who was all too eager to follow him, into his room.

He took her again and again that night, pounding into her and pouring his every frustration and anger into the girl whose face he didn’t even see, blocking out her moans and screams.

He thrust into her mechanically, hoping that she might chase away the image of the brunette out of his head. A brunette he wanted so badly that it hurt him physically just to think of her.

The party was in full swing outside of his room and he could hear his friends’ laughter and Bobby’s singing.

The only thing he didn’t hear, but wanted desperately to, was her laughter.

He imagined she went home with Neal.

He imagined them having sex, Neal’s hands on her and it made him even angrier so he quickened his thrusts, willing his mind to stop thinking about her, about anything related to her.

Long after the party ended and Ima fell asleep, no doubt satisfied, Jax was still awake.

His heavy breathing was the only sound that filled the room. His arms were crossed under his head and he gazed at the ceiling, shutting and opening his eyes, pushing away the image of his beautiful Tara and the feeling of her arms wrapped around him, the feeling of her lips on his cheek.

_What in the fucking world was happening to him???_


	12. I’ve Got a Lot on My Mind

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Jax was sitting outside the clubhouse, talking to his mom on the phone.

-„Baby, how are you?“ – asked the voice of his mother.

Jax sighed, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes for a brief moment. He actually had to think about that.

_How was he?_

He had won his most recent fight which boosted his reputation among the fighters. Chibs and Clay were proud of him for achieving so much in so little time.  The girls were all over him now more than ever, since apparently being almost defeated by a giant and having your face and body look like you’d been hit by a truck meant you need them even more to ‘nurse’ you and whatnot.

Jax was overjoyed by everything. This was all he wanted since he began with fighting. People praising him, having all the attention to himself.

And still he felt odd. Like something was missing. Lately, Jax started experiencing some very strange feelings. Strange for him, at least.

Jealousy was at the very top of that list. Then came the lust, the kind he had never experienced before. Then anger, for having the first two feelings. After that, immense happiness and overall joy he felt most of the time.

And it was all because of her. Tara.

Jax just couldn’t understand why. _What was it about her that made him feel like this?_

-“I’m fine, mom. I won that fight.” – he answered  after a long silence, opting not to say anything about the woman who’d been haunting his mind for the past month.

-“Oh, baby. I’m so proud of you. Are you hurt?”

 _Yes, mom I am, but not in the way you think,_ he thought as Tara’s face crept into his mind.

-“Yes, but it’s not a big deal. Don’t worry. How’s Tommy?”

Jax tried to steer the conversation in the other direction, though the last thing he wanted to talk about was his brother.

He thought about Tara’s words and her advice regarding Thomas. However, Jax knew that the feelings he had harboured for the major part of his life couldn’t disappear just like that. It would take an enormous effort which he was reluctant to make.

-“He’s great, you know how he is.”-  she paused before continuing, -“You know, Tommy and I’ve been talking and we’re coming to Charming soon.”

Jax raised his brows in surprise.

 His mother had never been to Charming, nor did Tommy. Jax was always the one who visited them.

Gemma excused her unwillingness to come to Charming with having too much work to do and Tommy was always blunt in his dislike for anything Jax related.  Sure, it hurt Jax to know that his mother cared more for her job than seeing her son at least once a month.

What Jax didn’t know however, was that his mother truly did want to visit him many times. It was just that she was always afraid to come and find her son covered in bruises. Even thinking about it gave her goosebumps. She would remember all those time she had visited Jax while he was in prison and the look of him that would clench her heart in the most painful way.

Jax was her firstborn, the apple of her eye. John adored him and Gemma would always reminisce with a smile on her face all the times that JT would come home and bring Jax some miniature toy bike that he had bought in the gift shop of the factory he worked in.

Jax already had a small collection of those bikes and he hated sharing them with anyone. Until Tommy came, that is.

Even though Jax was 6 years older than his brother and was never interested in the same things as Tommy, he would always find the time to play with him. Since Tommy was too young to remember his father who died when he was barely a year old, Tommy always looked up to Jax.

After JT died, she struggled to make ends meet, all the while fighting tooth and nail to keep her boys on the right track. But as they got older, they started fighting more and more. Jax started hanging out with bad company, while Tommy kept to himself, studying hard and wanting to have nothing to do with his brother.

A few years later, Jax ended up in prison and Gemma’s world crumbled.

Seeing her son behind bars took a great toll on her. She would always put a brave face on when she went to visit him, but it took every ounce of her strength not to fall apart.

Unlike Jax, Tommy finished school and achieved so much.

With one son in prison and the other on his way to college, Gemma Teller was torn between her two boys, both so different.

Thomas became too proud and Jax too bitter. She imagined that was the reason why he left San Diego and moved to Charming; he couldn’t stand being face with his brother’s successes, when he thought so little of himself.

He told her once that he felt like he was living in Thomas’s shadow, like he was the black sheep of their family, while Tommy was the good son everyone praised.

Gemma tried to talk to him many times, tried to convince him that was not the case. She was a mother after all and she loved them both with all her heart. It pained her to know that Jax though she loved Tommy more just because he chose a different path for himself.

Gemma knew that Jax was in a bad place, but that at some point in his life, he would make a change for better.

And he did, only that change frightened her.

She would go to sleep dreaming of phone calls telling her that her son died due to the injuries sustained in one of those goddamn fights.

 She couldn’t take it. She wished nothing more but to see Jax safe and sound, away from that world. But alas, he wanted to earn his living that way and there was no one who could talk him into doing something else.

-“You serious?”-  -Jax asked in disbelief.

-“Of course, baby. Tommy has some vacation days left and I really want to see my two boys together. It’s been a while since we’ve been together as a family. I miss it.” – her voice broke, and Jax could hear her sob.

His own voice was croaky when answered: -“I miss it too, mom. I’m glad you’re coming.”

He heard her sniff and no doubt she was wiping the tears off her face.

-“I’ll let you know the exact date. I can’t wait to see you.”

Jax sighed, smiling.

-“I can’t wait to see you too, ma. I’ll call you.” – he paused, before he added- “Say hi to Thomas from me.”

-“Will do, baby. I love you.”

-“Love you too, ma. Bye.”

They ended the call and Jax felt like crying. He missed his mom more than ever. He missed his dad and the smell of motor oil and cigarettes that followed him everywhere. He missed his hugs and his gravelly voice.

He missed his brother and those better times when there were just the two of them against the world.

_When did it all go to hell?_

Jax heard footsteps and seconds later, Opie sat beside him.

-“What’s up, brother?”

Jax chuckled shaking his head. Opie always knew when something was wrong.

-“I just talked to my mom. Tommy and she are coming soon.”

Opie frowned.

-“Here? Seriously?”

Jax nodded, playing with the phone in his hands.

-“My words exactly. But, yeah. She said she would let me know when exactly.”

Opie observed his best friend, noticing the pensive look on his face.

-“Somethin’ botherin’ you.”

Jax let out a long breath, leaning forward and resting his arms on his knees, looking at the cigarette bud someone had tossed earlier.

-“I just... I keep thinking...What if my dad hadn’t died? What would our lives be like? Would I still be in this beef with Tommy? Would I have ended up in prison? I have these moments when I can see him. Like actually _see_ him. And he is always shaking his head in disappointment and telling me how this is not what he wanted. That he didn’t want his family to fall apart. And I always feel like it’s my fault, like I’m the one who destroyed us.”

Jax wasn’t done but Opie interrupted him before he had the chance to continue. He raised his voice, drawing Jax’s attention to himself. Jax lifted his gaze to his friend.

-“You stop right there. Listen, man, I get it, it’s hard. But, we’ve all been there. We all have somethin’ we would like to change. It’s just not how the world works and you have to accept that.”

-“I know, Ope but-”

Opie cut him off. He put his hand on his back and said:

-“You’ve made some stupid mistakes. You’ve paid for that. You’ve moved on. You got your shit together and look at you now. Just because your brother’s finished school and does whatever is that he’s doin’, doesn’t make you any less worthy.”

Jax licked his lip chuckling.

-“What?” – Opie asked.

-“That’s what Tara told me.”

Opie looked at him with a puzzled expression. Jax leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes for a second.

Opie knew there was something happening with Jax, and it was all because of that girl.

-“What’s goin’ on between you two?” – Opie asked him, already afraid of the answer.

Jax looked at him and Opie noticed how he gulped before he answered.

-“Nothin’ s goin’ on.”

Raising he brow, he gave his friend the you-re-shitting-me look.

-“I swear, there’s nothing there.”

-“You keep forgetting that I know you, man. You’re lying. So spill it.”

Sighing, Jax ran his hand through his hair.

-“I don’t know, man. I feel like a complete idiot. I barely know her. And yet, I keep thinking about her. Like, all the time. I feel like I’m goin’ insane.”

Opie shook his head.

-“Fuck, that’s not good. She’s someone else’s girl.”

Jax rolled his eyes.

-“Don’t you think I know that? I have to keep reminding myself of that. If it wasn’t the case... But it is. And I can hardly control myself around her.”

Opie laughed throatily patting him on the back then standing up.

-“Shit, you’ve got it bad. Just, watch what you’re doin’.”

Jax nodded as Opie went back to the gym.

He knew that what he felt wasn’t right, but he had a hard time fighting it.

He was all right when she wasn’t around. The thoughts that came to his mind then weren’t all that bad. They were mostly related to her curvatious body and what she did with it, like bending over or swaying her hips.

 But the minute he would catch a glimpse of her, it was like his body and mind raced as to which of them would react first. His heart, that would start beating like crazy, his lips that would curve in a smile just by looking at her, his dick that seemed to have a mind of its own, his brain that would come up with all sorts of scenarios involving her and him, his hands that would start shaking, craving to touch her just once.

And he hated it when other guys touched her, even if it was just involuntary. He hated seeing her kissing her fiancé.

He loved when she would focus her intention solely on him. He loved seeing her roll her eyes at him just before she would crack a smile. He loved her innuendos and her teasing.

_Was he really going insane? Or was he already insane?_

He didn’t know the answer. The only thing he did know was that he wanted to see her ever day, if possible. But he couldn’t since she had a life outside their lessons. I was stupid of him to even think of her.

Jax shook his head and did his best to push the thoughts of Tara out of his mind as he went back to the clubhouse.


	13. I Noticed Something about You Two

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

That morning, Tara woke up pretty early. Turning her head, she saw that Neal was still asleep beside her, his slight snores the only sound in the room. Careful not to wake him up, she kissed his cheek and disentangled their legs, then slowly got up.

She had a quick shower and got dressed. A black tank top and dark jeans were her outfit for the day. She tied her hair in a ponytail at the top of her head and applied someday cream and a layer of mascara, before she went to the kitchen.

She made herself coffee and poured it into her cup, then placed it on the table and went to pick up the newspapers.

Then, she sat at the table and sipped her coffee, all the while leafing through the job sections.

It had been a month since she came to Charming, and still she had no job. Granted, Neal didn't mind that she wasn't working but she did, big time.

There was nothing more she hated than to sit around and do nothing. Tara just didn't have it in her to be lazy.

The past month was a sort of a vacation which she enjoyed immensely, but enough was enough. She was already getting bored with this idle routine and was ready to start anew.

If only she could find something... A job that was not boring and that could keep her entertained.

Glancing over the job adverts, Tara realised that there wasn't much of a choice, here in Charming. There were ads where they looked for a hairdresser, a tailor, and a mechanic.

Tara knew none of those crafts.

At the bottom of the page there was an ad in which they were looking for help in the SAMCRO clubhouse.

 _Interesting,_ Tara thought as she took the last sip of her coffee. She decided she would talk to Clay or Bobby regarding it the next time she went to the gym.

Closing the newspapers, Tara glanced at the clock. Donna was probably awake. She got up and went to the living room. Picking up the phone, she lay on the couch crossing her legs and dialled her best friend.

After a few rings, a familiar voice answered and Tara's lips automatically curved into a smile.

-"Hi, girlie." - said the chirpy voice of her friend.

-"Hi, doll. How are you?"

A rustling sound came from the other line before Donna answered.

-"Busy. I was just packing my things. I have another shift at the store today, and then I'll come home, have some sleep, and grab something to eat before I head out to the airport. I should be there sometime late tonight."

Tara squealed.

-"I can't wait to see you. It's been pretty lonely here without you."

-"Oh? And here I thought you already found a new bff and forgot all about me." - said Donna then laughed nervously.

Tara rolled her eyes at Donna's words.

She was already used to these kinds of statements.

She knew well that even though Donna tried to sound like she was joking, she wasn't. Deep down Donna was very insecure and Tara had tried times and times to make Donna see that their friendship was something she held dear and that there was no one that could ever replace her in Tara's life, but it was futile.

So she just repeated what she would say every time this happened.

-"Donna, you're my girl. No one can ever be like you. So get your ass here as quickly as possible. We have a party to plan. "

-"Yes, missy. I'll call you before head off to the airport."

Tara sat on the couch, arms leaned on her knees.

-"Ok, darling. Talk to you later. Bye."

After the phone call ended, she went to wake Neal up, and then the two went out grocery shopping.

#############################################################

Tara and Neal stood by the exit door at the airport. Every few seconds Tara would crane her neck in order to get a better view of the people that were coming out of the baggage claim.

-“Calm down. She’ll be here soon.” – Neal held her hand and squeezed it softly.

Tara turned to him and sighed, giving him a small smile.

-“I know, I know. I just can’t believe we haven’t seen each other in a month!”

Tara linked her arm with his and snuggled closer, leaning her head on his shoulder. Neal kissed the top of her head.

-“Well, now you’ll have enough time to catch up. I probably won’t even get to see you.”  - he said jokingly.

Tara glared at him then rolled her eyes.

-“Feel free to join us on our mani-pedi adventure.”

Neal laughed and Tara followed.

-“I’d rather skip that. But we can go to the movies or something like that.”

She got on her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. She felt his lips stretch into a smile before she pulled away and gazed into his eyes.

-“I’d like that.”

-“TARA! TARA!”

A short brunette whose hair cascaded in light waves down her shoulder, wearing maroon tank top and jeans came rushing towards her, dragging an orange suitcase behind her.

Tara turned her head and when she saw Donna, a smile spread across her face and she ran towards her with outstretched arms.

Donna dropped her bag and her suitcase and embraced Tara. The two twirled at the airport terminal and laughed, though people didn’t seem to pay them any attention. When they had eventually calmed enough, Neal came behind Tara and greeted Donna.

They hugged and Neal took Donna’s suitcase, as she picked up her bag.

-“I’m so happy you’re finally here!” – Tara said, linking her arm with Donna’s and leading her towards their car.

-“I’m happy too. It’s not the same without you.”

The three friends talked the entire ride home, and Tara felt like she could finally completely relax.

##############################################

The next morning Neal had some errands to do, and Tara decided to take Donna to the SAMCRO gym. She wanted to see what kind of help was needed there, but she also wanted to introduce Donna to the guys.

As they entered the clubhouse, Tara noticed Juice, Jax, and Opie sitting at one of the booths. When Jax saw her, he stood up and went to greet her.

-“Hi. Didn’t think you’d be coming today.”

Jax was beaming at her, his eyes locking with hers and Tara couldn’t help but beam back. There was something in the way he smiled at her that made her insides warm and fuzzy. She could almost feel her cheeks blush.

-“Hi. I wanted to introduce my friend Donna to you guys.”

Jax gazed at Tara a few more seconds before he turned his attention to Donna.

Hi offered his hand and she shook it.

-“Hi. I’m Jax.”

-“I’m Donna. Nice to finally meet you.”

Jax frowned, confused.

-“Finally?”

Donna looked at Tara then dropped her gaze down before looking back at Jax.

-“Yeah. She told me about you.”

Jax arched his brow and placed a cocky smirk on his face, all the while looking at Tara. She wanted the ground to swallow her. She felt embarrassed. _Why did Donna have to say it like that? It wasn’t like she talked about him all the time._

-“Oh, yeah? And what did Knowles here say about me?” – the question was directed towards Donna but his eyes were on Tara.

Tara squirmed under his gaze, rolling her eyes and answering instead of Donna.

-“Don’t give me that cocky smile, Teller. I told her about the self-defence lessons you’ve been giving me.”

-“Sure, Knowles. Sure.”

She let out an exasperated sigh and moved pass him to introduce Donna to Opie and Juice.

The guys accepted her nicely and for the following hour they talked about everything and anything.

Jax told them that his mom and brother were to arrive in two days. He talked a little about what his brother did for living and how they didn’t see each other all that often.

Tara, knowing the truth, assumed Jax was just giving Juice and Donna a better version of his relationship with his brother.

She felt her heart ache again as she remembered the defeated look on his face when he told her about his insecurities.

Tara leaned against the window and observed her friends talking, but her eyes would always land on Jax who sat next to her. He said something and they all laughed. His laughter was a throaty one and it sounded really nice, and she also noticed how his eyes glowed when he turned to look at her.

The intensity of his gaze brought her back from her reverie and she fought hard the pull she felt when he licked his lip and smirked.

Tara joined in on the conversation, ignoring the casual glances that Jax would direct her way every once in a while.

###########################################

Several hours later, Donna and Tara decided to walk home since the weather was nice. The two were talking about the party, but Donna kept throwing weird glances at Tara, until the latter got tired of it.

-“What is it?” – Tara stopped abruptly and looked at Donna.

Donna bit her lip lie she was stopping herself from saying something.

Tara tilted her head and arched her brow.

-“I know you, D. You’ve got something to say, just say it.”

Donna sighed. She seemed reluctant to share whatever was on her mind, but she said it anyway.

-“That guy, Jax?”

-“Yeah, what about him?” – Tara asked carefully, not sure where Donna was headed with this.

-“He likes you.”

Tara stepped back, like she’d been hit.

-“What? D., you’re crazy.”

_What in the world possessed Donna to think that?_

Now it was Donna’s turn to arch her brow.

-“I saw the way he looks at you, Tara. ”

 _Ok,_ Tara thought. _Donna lost it._

-“He’s a manwhore. He looks at every female. Really, Donna.”

Tara began walking again and Donna joined her, but she still continued.

-“I’m just saying what I saw. And you didn’t seem all that unaffected by his charm.” – she added.

Tara’s face was as red as a tomato. _How could Donna say this to her?_

-“Donna, just drop it. There’s nothing going on between us.”

Donna placed her hand on Tara’s arm, making her stop. Tara turned to face her. Donna’s voice was soft but it bore a note of warning.

-“I didn’t say there was. But it seemed as though there might be something starting to happen. He was practically flirting with you in front of us. If those two didn’t realise that, I sure did.  Please, watch what you’re doing.”

Tara gulped, frowning. She really didn’t like this conversation.

-“What do you mean? You think that I might be encouraging him?”

Donna gave her a weak smile, shaking her head.

-“No, I’m not saying that. But, there were instances when you seemed almost interested in him. Men can interpret that the wrong way. So, just, be careful.”

Tara nodded and the continued their conversation about the party but Tara’s thoughts couldn’t leave her alone.

_Was she giving Jax some mixed signals? Did he really like her? If he did, why? Why would he like her?_

_No, Donna must be wrong._

...

Later than night, Tara lay in her bed, thinking about Jax and whatever was that was happening.

Because she realised, she lied to Donna. Something was happening.

 A girl did not get fuzzy feelings when some guy smiled at her nor did a girl think about a guy’s abs or the shade of his eyes.

Well, a girl did. But not an engaged girl.

But Jax was nothing but polite with her and she honestly never noticed him flirting with her. Hell, almost every time she met with him, he had some girl’s tongue shoved down his throat. Their conversations _were_ a bit playful, but there was no sexual undertone. At least, not that she noticed.

No, Donna was mistaken, Jax didn’t like her in that sense.

And she was not affected by his charm. No, no way.

They were just friends. Yeah, friends.


	14. Meet the Family

And  finally I can reveal who I had in mind to play Thomas. TRAVIS FIMMEL, everyone!!!!! That guy is soooo freakin’ hot. I know he’s older than Charlie, but for the sake of this fic, we’ll pretend he’s younger. The two look so much alike, it’s insane :P I CALL DIBS ON THIS IDEA, if no one else thought of it before me.

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

For the first week of Donna's stay in Charming, she and Tara were busy with phone calls to their friends inviting them to Tara's party, figuring out what would be served, and dealing with some minor details regarding it all.

During the first two days, before Jax's family came, Tara did everything she could to avoid Jax. If by any chance they happened to be in the same room together in spite of Tara's efforts for that not to happen, she would make sure that there were other people there as well.

Jax would say something funny or try to start a conversation with her, but she would politely brush him off and go her way, leaving him confused and hurt (though she wasn't aware of his feelings).

She even ceased all their lessons, opting to just do some workout on her own when he wasn't in the gym or she would ask one of the guys to help her.

Tara did whatever she could not to be near Jax Teller and all that because she wanted to assure Donna that there wasn't anything going on between them and that she wasn't encouraging him to flirt with her, if it was true that he was doing that.

Truth be told, Tara felt bad for behaving that way, but she knew it was for the best.

If it was true that Jax liked her, maybe this distance would stop that. If Donna was wrong, and Tara believed she was, there would be no difference for Jax whether she talked to him or not.

Nevertheless, it was pretty hard for her to be away from him, since over these few weeks she grew quite fond of him and came to think of him as a friend. Even those fuzzy feelings became more intense in those rare moments she managed to exchange a few sentences with him.

Tara missed talking to him and teasing him. He was a pleasant company, just like all the SAMCRO guys.

But it was better to be safe and sorry. The worst thing that could happen was to give him the wrong idea or to hurt him.  
...  
Jax noticed that ever since Donna came Tara had been avoiding him. It wasn't even some subtle avoidance. No. It was like she was hiding from him.

He hardly ever saw her in these two days, and when he did see her and tried to strike up a conversation with her, she would just give him a weak smile and said she had something to take care off, leaving him annoyed.

_What the fuck was happening? Was she angry at him? Did Donna say something to her?_

It drove Jax crazy and he kept racking his brain trying to find the answer to Tara's sudden change of behaviour.

She would talk to everyone else but him. Even Bobby got her attention with his stupid Elvis impersonation.

-"Jax, can we go to your room?"

-"Ha?"

He turned his head abruptly and only then did he realise that he was staring at Tara for five minutes while Winsome sat in his lap and twirled the ends of his hair, her face too close to his.

-"What the hell is wrong with you?" - Winsome scowled, -"Lately you've been actin' all weird and shit. All because that pussy showed up!" - she nodded in disdain in Tara's direction.

Jax's eyes were ablaze as he shoved her off his lap and stood up. He held her by her arm, his voice menacingly low.

-"Do not ever talk about her that way again. You hear me?"

Winsome winced at his words and got her arm out of his grip. Her chest was heaving, her lips pressed in a thin line.

-"What's it with her? I don't get it. She's average." - she said eventually, her brows furrowing.

Jax sighed, shaking his head.

-"You wouldn't understand. And she's more than average."

His voice became soft when he said the last sentence, and he felt his lips curving in a smile, but he managed to keep a straight face.

Winsome snickered, leaning forward to whisper in his ear.

-"Too bad you can't have her."

She gave him a smug grin before walking out, leaving Jax cemented in place.

Winsome's words bit his heart, tearing it in pieces. He cleared his throat trying to find his breath. He massaged his chest, willing the ache to go away.

_Fucking Winsome! What the fuck is wrong with her? What does she know?_

His eyes found Tara who was animatedly talking to Opie by the bar, and the ache in his chest grew even bigger.

Today, her hair was tied in a French braid. She wore a simple white sundress which was tight at her waist, reaching her mid thighs, and black and white stripped platform sandals. She looked like an angel. A hot one for that matter.

His phone rang in his pocket and he answered it without taking his eyes off her.

-"Jax! Where are you?"

_Oh shit!_

He glanced at the phone clock. He was supposed to go pick up his mom and Thomas ten minutes before.

-"Sorry, ma. I'll be right there."

He shoved the phone back into his pocket then went to his bedroom to take his car keys.

On his way out, he glanced at Tara one more time.

Their eyes met and he could swear that there was an air of some strange energy around them. It was pulling him towards her and he would have gladly went over to her, hadn't she averted his gaze and turned her back to him.

Her rejection stung him, but he was too proud to react. If he wasn't, he would have walked right up to her and demanded she told him what the fuck she was doing, ignoring him and all.

Jax went to his car and drove to the airport, all the while thinking about Winsome’s words.

######################################

-“Hi, baby! I’ve missed you so much!”

Gemma spoke against Jax’s cheek as she hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her.

-“I’ve missed you too, ma. I’m glad you’re here.”

Then he glanced behind Gemma and looked at his brother who was standing next to their luggage. He looked different than the last time Jax saw him, some four months before.

His hair was cut into a Mohawk and his beard was short. He wore a grey t-shirt and jeans, his hands tucked into his pockets. To Jax, he looked much older than he actually was.

Jax sighed and approached him, his hand outstretched.

-“Hi, man.”

Thomas shook his brother’s hand hesitantly. He couldn’t believe how much his brother had changed in just a few short months.

Thomas recalled the time when they were much younger, when Jax would help him with his school work and defend him from the bullies.

Now, he couldn’t even shake hands with him without feeling angry at him. To this day, Thomas couldn’t figure out why.

_When did all go to shit?_

-“Good to see you, Jax.”

Their greeting was too formal, unlike the greeting you’d expect from two brothers that once meant everything to each other.

-“Oh, my two boys! Finally together!” – Gemma sad, beaming from ear to ear as she wrapped her arms around both their waists and looking up at them.

She felt the tension between them but ignored it, hoping that by the day’s end, it would all be good.

-“Now, let’s go. I need to take a shower. The flight was horrible. There was this woman who kept yapping and yapping and it drove me mad.”

Jax and Thomas chuckled and they both kissed her cheeks at the same time.

-“And you kept talking to her, so...” – Thomas added.

Gemma rolled her eyes at him.

-“Come on. I need to have a smoke.”

Jax took her suitcase and Thomas his, and followed him to the car.

-“You know, you’re just in time. There will be a huge party in a few days.” – said Jax as he put their suitcases in trunk and Thomas went to sit in the backseat.

Gemma raised her brow at him and nodded towards the front seat. Thomas rolled his eyes but obeyed her silent order.

Gemma lit a cigarette and sat at the back but kept the door open.

-“Yeah? What are you celebrating?” – she asked, puffing out a cloud of smoke.

Jax opened the driver’s door and sat on the driver’s seat then closed the door and turned on the engine. Gemma closed her door and the head to the clubhouse.

-“A friend of mine is having her birthday party at our clubhouse.”

Gemma observed Jax’s face in the rear-view mirror and didn’t miss the shy smile he attempted to hide or the way his eyes lit up when he mentioned this _friend._ She rolled down the car window and tapped her cigarette against it to get rid of the ash.

-“So, is this _friend_ more than a friend?”

Jax glanced at the rear-view mirror, meeting his mother’s eyes.

-“It’s not like that, ma. She’s engaged.”

-“Hmm.” – was her reply, but she noticed the disappointment in her son’s voice. She wondered who this woman might be.

-“So, Tommy, what’ve you been up to?”

Jax wanted to act normal around his brother. Tara and Opie were right. There was no reason for the two of them to still be at each other’s throats. He wanted the bad blood between them gone.

Thomas let out a loud sigh, rubbing his forehead.

-“Not much. Work, mostly.”

An uncomfortable silence fell upon them, which Thomas noticed. He knew that he was being rude to his brother, but it was much stronger than him. So, to rectify the situation he added:

-“I’ve been working non-stop for about a year now. Mom said she’d like to see you so I suggested we come here.”

Jax turned to look at him and saw a small smile forming on Thomas’s face. It gave him the encouragement he needed to continue their conversation.

-“I’m glad you did that. I’ve missed you guys. And I haven’t seen you since... since the last time you came home.”

-”Yeah. Well, I’ve been working on...”

Gemma observed her two boys catching up and her heart swelled at the sight of them getting along after so long.

Before Jax came to pick them up, Gemma had a serious conversation with Thomas. She warned him not to be rude and to at least make some effort to talk to his brother. She was glad to see he listened to her.

#####################################################

Jax parked the car at the parking lot, and the three of them got out. Jax led them to the clubhouse while Gemma and Thomas looked around the lot, seeing many scarcely dressed girls. One of them winked at Thomas and he laughed, waving at her.

When they got into the clubhouse, Jax was already talking to some people. He turned around and waved at them to come.

-“Ma, this is Chibs, Juice, and my best friend Opie.”

-“Nice to meet you.” – they said in unison smiling at her.

-“Hello, boys.”

Then Jax pointed at Thomas who was looking around the clubhouse.

-“And that’s my little brother, Tommy.”

Thomas smiled and shook their hands. He looked at his brother wanting to ask him where they were going to be staying, but Jax’s eyes were trained on something behind him. Jax’s lips curved in a broad smile and Thomas frowned.

He turned around and his breath caught in his throat, his eyes going wide in shock.

-“Tara?”

Tara, who was walking towards them stopped in her track. She too had a surprised look on her face.

-“Thomas?”

They both stood frozen for a few seconds before running to each other and hugging. They both laughed and Thomas swung her around, then lowering her down, his arms still wrapped around her waist.

He had the most stupid grin on his face, his eyes locked with hers. Tara too was smiling broadly at him, her hands on his shoulders.

They both chuckled again.

Jax scowled, looking confused and mildly irritated that his brother was acting like this with Tara.

-“You two know each other?” – he barely managed to utter.

Tara let out a small laugh and bowed her head before lifting it again and answering his question.

-“We used to date.”

And that was it.

Jax felt his heart stop beating as he watched his brother and the girl he was falling for hugging right before his eyes. He stopped breathing when Thomas kissed her cheek.


	15. The Pain of Realisation

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Sitting at the bar and twirling his mother's cigarette box, Jax observed Tara and Thomas.

The two were sitting in the booth and talked enthusiastically, with fucking smiles plastered on their faces.

Thomas's hands were on Tara's, and every once in a while, they would laugh at something that one of them said. Tara would tilt her head to the side in that cute way of hers and look like she was completely absorbed in whatever the crap story Thomas was telling her.

The anger was boiling in Jax.

She'd been avoiding him for two straight days, two days! And the moment Thomas showed up, she never left his side!

-"You look pissed." - Gemma noted, taking her cigarette box from his hands.  Jax frowned.

-"I'm not pissed. I'm just surprised." - he tried to hide the hurt.

Gemma sat beside him and lit a cigarette. Taking a long drag, she breathed it in and puffed a cloud of grey smoke. She narrowed her eyes and looked at her son.

-"Bullshit. So, that's your 'friend'." - she nodded in Tara's direction.

Jax rolled his eyes and sighed.

-"Ma, she is a friend, nothing more."

Gemma pouted her lips. She wasn't a fool and she could clearly see that her son was in love with this Tara girl.

-"How come you don't know Tara?" - asked Jax, after a few silent moments.

Gemma just shrugged, finishing her cigarette.

-"They probably didn't date for long. Besides, you know your brother. He' just as secretive as you."

 _Yeah, well this was a pretty big secret_ , Jax thought.

Gemma and he talked for another half an hour, and all the while Jax kept stealing glances at Tara and Thomas.

_What the fuck did they have to talk about for a fucking hour?_

Ten minutes later, Neal walked in and the atmosphere in the clubhouse visibly changed.

Jax noticed how Neal's jaw clenched, his hands balling in fists as he looked at someone. Jax followed his gaze and realised that Neal was looking at Tara and Thomas.

As if sensing his eyes on him, Thomas looked up and his face, which up to that point was all grins and sparkling eyes, became rigid, his eyes locking with Neal's.

Tara noticed the change and turned, her eyes going wide. She stood up immediately and went to Neal, grabbing his arm and pulling him away.

Thomas got up and started walking towards them, but Tara waved him off, lacing her fingers with Neal's and leading him outside.

Jax came behind Thomas, whose eyes were still on the door, waiting for Tara to come back.

-"What's goin' on, man? What was that about?"

Thomas's head snapped at the sound of his brother's voice. He scowled, as if remembering something.

-"A few months after Tara and I broke up, she met  _him_." - he sneered at the last word. -"I wanted to make up with her, but that guy kept showing up and... We had a few altercations. Later, they started dating and... she and I became distant." - he said sadly.

-"Why did you broke up?" - Jax asked, forcing himself to sound casual.

His brother sighed, pain becoming visible on his face.

-"I did something stupid. I cheated on her. The worst mistake of my life. If I could go back in time..."

He sounded regretful and Jax almost felt sorry for him.  _Almost_  being the key word here, since he was still jealous that Tommy even came close to Tara, more so that they had been in a relationship.

Truth be told, Jax was glad that they broke up. He would have felt much worse had he came to like his brother's girl.  _This way, what he felt was not so bad, right?_

-"I'm gonna talk to ma."

Thomas walked past him, leaving Jax somewhat confused.

He still wanted to ask him why Tara had welcomed him so cheerfully if he had been such an ass to her.

############################################

-"Neal, please calm down." - Tara pleaded, holding his hands.

Neal shook his head, his face still an angry grimace.

-"What is he doing here?" - Neal asked angrily.

-"He's Jax's brother. I had no idea, I swear." - she looked straight into his eyes. -"Baby, please, don't be like that. We've been over this."

Her hand went up to cup his cheek.

-"Please, act civil. Tommy and I are long over, you know that."

His blue orbs changed from ice cold to warm and loving. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer.

-"I know. It's just... I will never understand how you could forgive him and-"

-"I forgave him because we were friend long before we started dating. I cherish our friendship more than I hated him for his betrayal." - Tara answered honestly.

-"You are amazing." - Neal said before he kissed her passionately, almost as if he was making sure that Tommy was indeed gone from her mind.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he spun her around and pinned her to the wall, resting his hands on the wall at either side of her face.

He teased her mouth with his tongue earning himself a few moans.

Tara pulled him by his shirt so that he was practically on her. She felt his erection and smiled against his lips, then licked his lower lip as her hand travelled down his torso, resting on his belt.

########################################################

After talking to his brother, Jax wanted to check on Tara and Neal. He hoped that Tara had managed to calm him down, because judging by the look on his face earlier, he was all but ready to go into a fist fight with Thomas.

When he stepped out of the clubhouse, he heard muffled voices which he believed to be Tara and Neal's. As he walked towards them, the voices ceased.

Jax came round the corner and what he saw made him sick. Sick to the point of wanting to beat someone to a pulp.

Tara was leaned against the wall, Neal all over her. He was kissing her neck as Tara moaned. Jax saw her hand lowering down and brushing against Neal's obvious erection. Her hand disappeared in his pants and seconds later a ragged "Fuck, baby!" came out of Neal's mouth. Tara chuckled.

Jax was in trance, not believing his eyes. But luckily, something in him shook him to his senses and he quickly turned and walked away.

He was heaving, his nostrils flared up as he stomped into the gym via the back entrance.

The gym was empty since most of the guys were either in the clubhouse or they went somewhere else.

Jax wrapped his hands and went to the punching bag.

His heart pounded hard against his chest.

He started punching the bag hard, then charging at it full force.

With every punch, every kick, an image of Tara stroking Neal flashed in his mind, that Jax kept hitting it and hitting it, wanting to erase that fucking image out of his mind.

He wished he had never gone to look for them. Wished he had never heard their voices. Wished he had never seen his Tara enjoying the kisses of another man while her hand stroked his cock.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

His every punch was followed by a scream.

His face was already adorned with beads of sweat, his shirt completely soaked. He sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. Taking off the wraps, he tossed them aside. He drew his knees to his chest and rested his arms on them.

He looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm his breathing. He couldn't remember when the last time was that it took him this long to catch his breath.

He felt like a ton of bricks was laid on his chest, and like someone just kept adding and adding the fucking weight.

He felt tears pricking his eyes as he gasped for air.

-"Jax, are you ok?"

He heard footsteps and next thing he knew, Wendy was kneeling before him, her hand on his back as she instructed him to breathe.

He did as she said, taking deep breaths. A few moments after that, he was calm enough to speak.

-"What're you doing here?" - he asked, turning his head to her.

She sat beside him.

-"We haven't talked in a while. I wanted to see how you were doing. I guess I came at the right time."

He looked at her, feeling a lump forming in his throat again.

-"Wanna talk about it, get it off your chest? Might make you feel better."

Jax sighed, biting his lip. He fought the tears that had formed in his eyes, but eventually he couldn't take it anymore.

He started crying.

Small sobs escaped his lips as he covered his face with his hands. His whole body was shaking. Wendy patted his back, not saying a word and just letting him cry his pain out.

A little while after he started laughing, wiping his tears.

-"I'm an idiot."

Wendy gave him a weak smile.

-"Why? Does this have something to do with a certain brunette that's currently in the clubhouse talking to your mom?"

He sneered, then smirked.

-"Am I that obvious?"

Wendy shrugged.

-"Maybe. But I've known you for a long time and I've never seen you like this."

Jax just sighed. He wasn't sure whether he should say anything or not. However, the pain he was feeling was too much for him. So he spoke.

-"I've no idea what's happenin' to me. I get jealous if one of the guys even looks at her the way I don't like. Tonight I felt like someone had ripped my heart out when I saw her hugging my brother the way I wanted her to hug me. I... I wanted to hit him for not telling me they used to date. Which is stupid, since he and I didn't talk much over the years and I didn't even know her." - he took a deep breath before continuing. -"And just now I saw her making out with her boyfriend and touching him-" - he could say it.

The mere thought of it choked him.

-"I feel like I'm goin' crazy. Fuck, I just cried like a little girl. Jesus Christ, I'm fucked!"

Wendy took his hand and rubbed it.

-"You're not an idiot, silly. You're in love."

Jax's eyes bulged before he started laughing hysterically.

-"You're telling me this is what love feels like? I can't breathe, I can't sleep normally, I think about her all the time. My chest hurts at the thought of another man’s hands on her. I  _am_ going crazy. I see her face in my head when I fuck other girls. I keep thinking 'I wish this was her'. And when I get angry just by thinking or seeing her kiss him... I lose it. I want her. Fuck, I want her." - the last thought was said as a sort of realisation. "I'm... I'm... Fuck, I love her."- he breathed out.

Wendy smiled at him, still holding his hand.

-"I'm a mess. A fucking mess."

-"Well... I'm here if you want to talk."

-"Thanks, Wendy. You're a good friend."

She kissed his cheek and he kissed hers. They both leaned back, and Wendy leaned her head on his shoulder.

-"Jax? What are you going to do now?"

She heard his sharp intake of breath.

-"What can I do? She's fucking engaged. She's my brother's ex. I can't do anything. Ever." – he answered in a defeated manner.

They sat in silence, their breathing the only sound in the gym.

 


	16. In My Head

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

Tara was just coming back to the clubhouse after talking to Neal, who promised to come over as soon as he finished something business related.

Even though they thought they would be able to find some time for each other, that just didn't seem to work.

They hadn't seen much of each other in these two days since Tara wanted to make good use of her time with Donna, and Neal ran from town to town, arranging some businesses and whatnot.

The only time they did see each other was late at night, when Tara was already in bed, almost falling asleep waiting for him. They would just kiss and talk for a bit before Neal went to change. By the time he was finished, Tara would be fast asleep.

Also, today she noticed how hurt Jax was when she refused to talk to him, when she ignored him.

 _God,_ she thought, _I'm a bitch._

She felt bad, really, truly bad. She felt like the worst person in the world. And it wasn't just about him.

Her mind kept replaying those funny moments they spent together.

Like when he took her to the cake shop, when his hand rested on her lower back, when they rode on his bike and she had to hold onto him...

 _That was nice_ , she thought.

She felt his firm torso under her hands and something in her awoke in that moment and she wanted nothing more but to roam her fingers all over him.

It was so strange, what she felt. It was unlike anything she felt before with a man. The attraction was too great. It happened too quickly.

It wasn't like that with Neal.

Sure she thought that Neal was handsome and hot as hell and she loved him...

_But, if she loved him, why was she thinking about another man?_

Her guilty conscience nagged at her and she did all she could to stop those kind of thoughts. Which is why she started ignoring him in the first place.

She remembered that Jax's mom and brother were supposed to come today. Tara was excited to meet Jax's family. She had been wondering what Jax's brother was like, and she imagined him being just like Jax. Smart, confident, womanizer.

Their similarity must have been one of the reasons for their fallout.

When she walked into the clubhouse, she was welcomed by none other than her ex, Thomas.

She was frozen for a few moments, not believing her eyes. The last time she saw him was... She couldn't even remember when. And he was just as surprised as she was.

She ran into his arms, unable to contain herself any longer.

His familiar scent enveloped her, just like his strong arms. He hugged her tightly and spun her around.

Tara laughed, remembering all the times he would do that. He claimed he did it because he adored hearing her laugh.

When he lowered her down, Tara couldn't help but chuckle at the absurdity of situation.

The last time they saw each other, she wanted to kill him for causing her so much pain. And now, she was exhilarated to see him, to be near him.

She looked into his blue orbs and something in her mind clicked. His eyes were very much like Jax's.

_So that's why I thought they seemed familiar._

-“You two know each other?” - Jax asked them.

She lifted her gaze towards him and could clearly see the confusion.

-"We used to date."

##############################################

Thomas and she talked about their lives and everything that had happened in the meantime.

-"How come I didn't know you had a brother? Why didn't you tell me?"

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, cupping her hands.

-"Jax and I... We were in a bad place. I was angry at him, still am."

Tara raised her brow at him.

-"Wow, you Tellers sure know how to hold a grudge. We were dating for five fucking months, Thomas. You could have at least shared something."

He gave her, what Tara was now becoming aware was, a signature Teller smirk.

-"Well, I wanted you all for myself. I was too focused on you and I didn't want to drag my... complications in our relationship."

Tara rolled her eyes and chuckled.

-"You are so full of shit. But seriously, how've you been?"

His face brightened as he started talking about his new job and how exciting it was.

Tara observed him and couldn't help but feel glad for him. In spite of what happened between them, deep down she knew he was a good person.

Yes, he acted like a total ass cheating on her, but she had to admit: back then she was too consumed with her studies and he was too energetic for her to handle.

When they first met, it never crossed her mind that they would date. Thomas was just some goofy guy who liked to flirt with her and crack jokes.

At first Tara ignored him, but over time, she realised that he wasn't a shithead like most of his friends with whom he would come to the bar were.

One night, when there wasn't much crowd, they struck a conversation and, surprisingly, behind that goofy exterior Tara saw that there was more to him than he let on.

The feelings for him were long gone now. At least the romantic ones. But she still cared for him and it pained her that they had become so distant.

However, she knew that it was supposed to be like that.

Neal and she were just getting to know each other and Thomas was way too stubborn to leave her alone. She cut all ties with him, and of course regretted it. Though at the time it was the right thing to do.

While she talked with Thomas, Tara kept glancing at the bar, noticing Jax talking to his mother.

Something inside of her just pulled her towards him. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to ask him more about him and Thomas, or just to chat.

Tara was fighting against herself.

There was no way she was going to investigate those fuzzy feelings or anything she might feel for him.

No way.

Then Neal showed up and she had to prevent a catastrophe from happening.

##########################################

Neal was kissing her and it was the most action she got in the last two days.

Tara missed him.

Or was it sex that she missed?

 The connection they had?

It was nice.

Was it normal to describe a passionate kiss with your boyfriend as _nice_? Surely not.

The spark wasn't there.

That feeling you get when you kiss the person you love. But that couldn't be true.

She couldn't have fallen out of love with Neal.

That was ridiculous. It had only been what? Five weeks since they came to Charming. What in the world could have happened in such short span of time?

 _Jax_ , her conscience whispered.

 _No_ , Tara responded.

_No. It's not about Jax. It has nothing to do with him. Nothing at all._

She pulled Neal closer, pretending like she wasn't trying to deceive herself.

_I just met the guy. It can't be because of him. It just can't._

Her hand glided down his torso, but her mind was telling her that it wasn't it. His body didn't feel right.

_What is wrong with you Tara?_

Then, from the corner of her eye she saw Jax looking at her and Neal.

_You have to push him away, Tara. For both of your sakes._

Neal was kissing her neck and the only thing she could think of was how to make Jax go away.

She was trying to prove something to herself. And so she did the one thing she knew no guy liked to see.

She pushed her hand in Neal's pants. He said something and she faked a chuckle. From the corner of her eye she watched as all the colour drained from Jax's face.

The pain in his eyes cut her heart.

And it was then that she realised that Donna was right. About everything.

Jax went away, and Tara felt tears pricking in her eyes. She immediately withdrew, and Neal frowned.

-"They'll be wondering where we are." - she gave him the most honest smile she could muster, all the while feeling like her insides were burning.

_How could you?_

_I needed to push him away. I can't have him thinking that anything is possible between us._

Neal was obviously disappointed but he kissed her one more time then led her back into the clubhouse.

Jax wasn't there.

The knot in her stomach prevented her from enjoying the rest of the evening.

Her thoughts kept returning to Jax and the look on his face, and she felt like the worst person in the world.

Then some curly haired blonde came, greeted them all and asked about Jax. No one knew where he was and so she said she would go look for him.

Tara wondered what the blonde's connection to Jax was, but deep down she knew. It was too obvious. She must have been one of his groupies.

She turned her head and tried for the rest of the night to focus on Neal and Donna. They talked, laughed, and had fun. Thomas joined in, along with Juice, and Opie.

Clay and Chibs were talking Jax’s mom.

Tara still didn't greet her properly. The cordial ‘hello’ was exchanged, but that was about it. Nevertheless, Tara was aware the look Gemma gave her when she walked back into the clubhouse hand in hand with Neal.

There was something about that woman that scared Tara.

She continued her talk with Dona. It was something about the food. But her thoughts were elsewhere.

-“I’ll be back. I’m just going to the ladies’ room.”

.........

Tara splashed some water on her face, as if trying to wash off the guilt she felt about Neal, about Jax, about herself.

She took a deep breath, wanting to calm her nerves and raging thoughts. Her head was already pounding.

_Dammit, dammit, dammit! I didn’t need this!_

The door opened and she quickly looked up to see who it was. It was the blonde that was looking for Jax earlier.

-“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” – Wendy said apologetically.

-“It’s ok. I had my mind elsewhere.” – Tara smiled weakly.

Wendy came around her, standing on her left as she opened the tap and started washing her hands.

-“Are you ok?”

Tara nodded feebly, blinking a few times.

-“Yeah. I just have a lot on my mind.”

Wendy finished washing her hands and grabbed a paper towel to dry them. She turned towards Tara. She looked like she wanted to say something.

-“Is something wrong?” – Tara frowned.

“You seem like a nice girl. I don’t know you, but I’m a good judge of character.”

-“Thank you?”

Tara had no idea what the girl was trying to say to her.

-“What I want to say is, I hope you don’t hurt him.”

Tara gulped, her palms already sweaty.

-“Hurt who? What are you talking about?”

Tara sensed where this conversation was going and she didn’t like it one bit.

Wendy propped her hand on her hip.

-“Look. He and I’ve been friends since forever. And I can see when he’s hurting. And right now? He is hurting. And I know that you know whose fault that is.”

Tara mouthed to say something but Wendy just continued talking.

-“He’s a good guy. He might seem like a douche at first, but he’s not. And I’m not used to seeing him like this. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this. So, as his friend, I’m asking you to talk to him.”

-“But I-”- Tara began, but Wendy cut her off.

-“Just don’t give him false hope. I saw you looking at him the night of his fight. There wasn’t anything innocent about it. Just talk to him. Do it for him and for yourself. Don’t lead him on.”

Wendy patted her arm and left, leaving Tara more confused than she was before. This whole situation was suffocating her.

She ran her shaking hands through her braid.

She was sick and tired of everything.


	17. I Kept My Heart Under Control

Chapter title reference: Under Control by Parachute

Sorry for typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

 

The days following her big epiphany and her talk with Wendy were pretty hard for Tara.

She just couldn't wrap her head around the possibility that she could be feeling something for Jax. It was ludicrous. Absolutely crazy. She was in denial, forcing herself to forget all about it, forbidding herself to even consider that option.

Because, how could she possibly be in love with someone she didn't know? Yes, they spent some time together and yes, they talked. But none of those talks was serious enough to make her feel something for him.

_Maybe it was just physical attraction. Of course, that must be it._

She was thinking a lot about his physique so it was only natural to doubt that something might be happening with her psyche.

He was a good looking man. What woman wouldn't be turned on by him, seriously?

_One that is engaged, Tara. That is why you shouldn't be thinking about him._

Her conscience was conflicted and it drove Tara mad.

After her talk with Wendy, she never once went to the club. She let Donna take care of everything. She even contemplated about cancelling the whole thing, but Donna wouldn't let her.

So, Tara gladly handed her over the reins.

On the other hand, she locked herself in the house and opted to use cleaning as her therapy.

She scrubbed the house from top to bottom, washed everything, vacuumed, did the dishes, washed the windows, watered the plants, cleaned the cupboards and stocked the fridge with ice cream.

Then, taking one of the ice cream boxes with chocolate-cherry flavour, she went into the bedroom, turned on the TV and found some cheesy rom-com to watch, founding it easier to worry about someone else's love problems.

....

Three hours later, she was woken up by Neal, who was whispering something in her ear while kissing her neck.

-"Are you awake yet?"

Tara yawned, turning to face him. He had the most adorable smile on his face and he was looking at her with those puppy eyes, that the guilt she felt only increased.

-"Hi. Why are you home so early?"- asked Tara sitting up, running her fingers through her tangled hair.

Neal chuckled kissing her cheek.

-"Tara, it’s almost eight."

She looked at the clock on her nightstand and sure enough, it was eight o’clock. That meant she slept... five hours straight.

-"Wow. I'm must've dozed out after the movie ended."- she said turning to Neal.

-"Why don't you freshen up? I'm downstairs with Donna. She's adamant in watching _The Avengers_. Apparently she has a thing for Tom Hiddleston." - he said with a chuckle.

-"Sure. I'll be there in five."

Neal gave her a peck on the cheek and left the room.

Tara went to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face, combed her hair and made a braid.

Before she went downstairs she checked her phone for missed calls or messages.

She was surprised to see seven missed calls and four messages from Jax.

Her hands were shaking and her heart beating like crazy as she opened and read the messages.

They all said the same: He was worried about her since he hadn't seen her in three days. He was asking if she was ok and if she needed anything. He added he wanted to talk to her.

Wendy's words kept playing in her mind

_Just talk to him. Do it for him and for yourself. Don’t lead him on._

Her finger hovered over the reply icon.

Should she talk to him? Yes, definitely.

But she didn’t know what to say. How could she face him, when she wasn’t even ready to face herself?

Still, a part of her knew that it would be better for both of them to resolve this issue as soon as possible.

So, exhaling deeply, she typed the message and sent it, then turned off her phone and went downstairs.

#########################################

Jax was sitting in the clubhouse with Thomas, talking about their lives.

It was a nice change, one which both of them seemed to enjoy. Jax talked about his training and fights, whereas Thomas talked about his college years and troubles he had got himself in, mostly because of dares.

Somehow, Jax steered the conversation in an unexpected direction.

He asked Thomas about Tara. What she was like, how they met, how long their relationship lasted.

Thomas gave him a quizzical look, but answered every of those questions.

Jax kept twisting his beard and biting his lip, keeping his jealousy in check. Or at least trying to.

But as Tommy began talking about some surprise vacation he and Tara went on, as his gift to her for her birthday, Jax kept clearing his throat, because his mouth was dry.

He had difficulty breathing as images of Tommy and Tara flashed in his mind.

Apparently, they went on a beach and spent three entire days swimming and sunbathing. Thomas talked about some pranks he pulled on Tara, but Jax stopped listening to him.

He imagined Tara in some bikini, lying on a towel, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the warm sun. Even in his imagination she was more beautiful than any other girl he ever met. He imagined his hands on her body, touching ever inch of her skin. He imagined whispering sweet words in her ear and her giggling at them, her eyes sparkling as she looked at him.

He gulped shaking his head. _He was seriously going crazy._

Luckily, Gemma called Thomas and he got up and went to the bar, leaving Jax alone in his love ache.

The last three days were like hell for him. At least when she ignored him, she was still physically present in the bar and he could watch her from afar. Now, however, she robbed him of her presence and condemned him to these three days of absolute misery.

He didn’t know if she was angry at him, or if she was ill, or if something happened to her. It was only thanks to Donna that he found out that she was in fact well, but just chose not to come to the clubhouse until everything was set.

And so, he called and called, wanting to talk to her, to hear her voice that he knew well would sooth the pain in his heart. But there was no response. He sent her three massages, but there was no answer either.

Not able to bear it any longer, he sent his fourth message to Tara, hoping that she would answer. Moments later, a message came in and he was grinning like a fool at the words she wrote.

_Tomorrow morning, on the meadow where we run into each other._

He remembered that morning like it was yesterday. He remembered what she wore, what she said, how her ponytail swung from side to side as she walked. He even remembered how she stretched in front of him, making him uncomfortable and painfully aware of his erection. She turned him on even then.

Jax couldn’t wait to see her. Morning couldn’t come fast enough.

##################################################

Jax got up at four a.m., after only an hour of sleep.

 And even in his sleep, he kept thinking what their conversation was going to be like and what he would say and what she would reply.

_Would she ridicule him if he told her about his feelings?_

_Would she laugh to his face?_

_Would she think him stupid for even considering the possibility of being with her?_

Jax’s doubts nested firmly in his mind and all he could do was get up and go to the damn meadow and wait for her to come.

.......

He ran a few miles then slowed down when he approached the meadow. He started stretching to calm himself, but it was fruitless. So, he lay on the wet grass, crossed his hands on his abdomen and tried getting his breathing under control.

Closing his eyes for what seemed a second, Jax started going through his speech in his head. But, he fell asleep due to his exhaustion and insomnia.

...

He was woken up about fifteen minutes later by the most beautiful voice he ever heard.

-“Jax. Jax. Wake up.” – she nudged him gently.

He opened his eyes and met the face of the woman that had been haunting his dreams ever since he met her. She smiled at him and he felt himself smiling back, unable to stay impassive around her. Her hair was down and some strand touched his face, tickling him.

He sat up, and only then did he notice that she was sitting beside him. 

-“Hi.” – she said hesitantly, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

-“Hi.” – his answer was raspy, his eyes trained on her.

They sat there for a few moments just looking at each other. After the short silence, Jax was the first one to speak.

-“I want to tell you something.”

Tara sighed, discomfort written all over her face. She was fidgeting with her fingers, avoiding looking him in the eyes.

-“Jax, please. I-I need to speak to you.” - she said finally, lifting her gaze to meet his.

His heart sunk. By the look on her face, he already knew what she was going to say to him.

-“Tara, please. Just... Just let me say this.” – he reached forward and took her hand. She quickly pulled it back.

-“Please, Jax. Don’t. Don’t say anything. Whatever you wanted to say, don’t. It can’t happen.”

The smile on his face dropped. His lips were pressed in a hard line as he tried to push back the tears that seemed to be poking his eyeballs like thorns.

_So, she knew what this was about. And she was rejecting him. But what was he expecting?_

-”Tara, just hear me out.” – he persisted, knowing that he couldn’t carry this burden on his heart any longer.

-“No.” – she said firmly. –“I came here to tell you that whatever you feel... What you _think_ you feel-”

He interrupted her, anger clear in his voice.

-“What I _think_ I feel? I don’t _think_ I feel anything. I _know_ I feel. I know _what_ I feel. I lo-”

-“Don’t! Don’t end that sentence!” – she dropped her head and covered her ears with her hands.

-“I love you! I fucking love you!” – he grabbed her hands and pulled them down. –“I love you. I don’t know how or why this happened, but it did.” – he yelled.

She lifted her head and he looked into his eyes. She was about to cry.

-“Jax. Don’t do this. I’m begging you. Don’t.” – tears started streaming down her face, and fuck,  they were stabbing his heart like knives.

He was still holding her hands. Unconsciously, he began drawing circles with his thumbs.

-“Why not? I can’t take this anymore. I’ve been keeping this inside for more than a month now. I feel like I’m going crazy. Do you know I dream about you?”

Jax could have sworn he saw some spark in her eyes when he said that. He continued.

-“I feel like dying when I don’t see you. I feel like getting drunk and just falling into oblivion, because I think that’s the only way I could forget about you, your face, how you make me feel. And even that would be useless.”

-“Jax-” – Tara pleaded.

-“No. Listen to me, goddamnit. Do you know what you did to me? How you hurt me? We were fine and you just stopped talking to me. Out of nowhere.” – he stood up turning his back to her, grasping his head in his hands and closing his eyes, trying to compose himself.

-“And then Thomas comes and it’s like you opened my chest and ripped my heart out. Fuck! Fuck!” – his screams startled her.

He turned to her again, still yelling angrily.

-“Then I see you with Neal and what you did... Fuck! I can’t take this! And then you disappear for three days. I thought something happened to you.”

Suddenly, Tara wiped her tears, got up and started yelling at him.

-“You, you, you! It’s all about you! Well guess what, Teller? It hasn’t been easy for me either!  Don’t you think I felt guilty for disappearing like that, for ignoring you? But I couldn’t let you think that something‘s possible between us when it isn’t . And stop making me feel guiltier than I already feel!” – she kept pushing him hard until his back hit a tree.

Rage was boiling in her veins, her lower lip trembling, her voice already breaking.

Jax’s jaw twitched, a stern look on his face. Anger flashed in his eyes.

-“I know that it isn’t possible. I just wanted to get it off my chest.  And what do you need to feel guilty about? ” – he asked with a scowl.

He saw her stepping back, a look of surprise on her face.

-“Tara?”

Her eyes were wide and her chest rose and fell in at an abnormal speed. He saw her gulp.

-“Tara?”

-“I don’t know!” – she yelled. – “I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know!” – she fell on her knees and started crying again. Small sobs escaped her lips and her whole body was shaking.

Jax approached her slowly and knelt before her. He moved her hair out of her face and cupped her cheek to lift her head.

-“Please, don’t cry, Tara.” – he begged, his voice also breaking as he too was on the verge of crying.

Jax just couldn’t stand watching her like that. This wasn’t his Tara. The woman before him seemed defeated and broken.

She placed her hand on his that was on her cheek and closed her eyes, taking a shaky breath.

-“My-My-” – she gasped for air, trying to finish her sentence. –“My heart hurts.”

Jax cupped her face and forced her to look at him.

-“Breathe. Look at me, ok? Just breathe.”

She was taking deep breaths, one at the time, until she finally calmed down.

-“I think I’m in love with you.” – said Tara after she finally managed to catch her breath.

Jax’s eyes went wide, his lips spreading in a wide grin. He began laughing, his hands still holding her face.

She started laughing with him, and soon their laughter became a beautiful melody that slowly eased Jax’s heartache.

He leaned his forehead on hers when they stopped laughing and just enjoyed having her close. This time he didn’t fear that he was too close to her or that he was overstepping it. He caressed her face, breathing in her cherry scent.

He had no idea he missed it that much.

-“I love you.” – said Jax.

The words rolled off his tongue like he said them every day, but they actually held so much more. They conveyed all his pain, his guilt, his jealousy, every single emotion that had awoken when he met her.

These were three simple words which offered him comfort. The weight finally lifted off his chest.

Tara placed her hands on his shoulders, then wrapped them around his neck.

-“I think I love you too.” – she pulled back and smiled weakly.

She leaned forward and Jax thought she was going to kiss him. Instead she kissed his cheek, and got up, leaving him dumbfounded.

She started walking towards the town line and Jax quickly got up and followed her.

-“Where’re you going?” – asked Jax when he caught up with her.

-“Home.” – she said without turning back.

-“But this-” – he began but she cut him off.

-“I can’t start anything with you. I’ won’t hurt Neal like that.”

Jax grabbed her arm, making her halt. She turned to face him.

-“What about us? Fucking hell Tara! I just told you I love you!”

-“I know what you said. I know what I said. But this isn’t just about us and our feelings. There are other people involved and I won’t make any hasty decisions.”

Jax bit his tongue to stop himself form cursing. He just nodded.

They walked side by side back to the town, just like that morning several weeks before.

Only this time, things were different.

Or were they?


	18. This Is Happening... Or Not?

Excuse the typos and mistakes.

Happy reading :3

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Gemma sat on one of the benches in the gym, her back leaned against a wall and her legs crossed, observing many young men sparring in the rings, punching the bags, or doing push-ups. As old as she was, she couldn't help but admire them all. They were all very handsome in their own individual way, all so dedicate and focused on the task in front of them. She saw determination on their faces, the wish to achieve greatness, to become somebodies.

However, her watchfully eye did not miss the fear that each of them tried to hide; the fear of failure, the fear of letting down people that believe in them, of failing themselves.

She talked to some of them, and it was then that she realised what all that meant to Jax. It was his world, a place where he felt most comfortable, where he felt like himself. As much as it pained her to let him do this, to risk his life in those fights, she knew that no matter what she said he would do as he pleased. And so she decided to give him her full support, in spite of her worries.

A few minutes later came Chibs, breathing heavily, his hair damp.

-“Hiya, there. Havin’ fun looking at my boys? ” – asked Chibs, sitting next to her and wiping his face with a small towel.

Gemma let out a small laugh, but never looking at him.

-“They’re all good. I’ve yet to see Jax, but I bet he’s just as good.”

Chibs nodded, leaning back.

-“Yeah, but Jackie boy is better than most of these lads ‘ere. He’s got an unbelievable fire within ‘im.”

-“A strong desire to prove himself.” – Gemma added.

-“Exactly. But it’s more than that for ‘im. He really wants to succeed. Not just to be praised but also for people to realise that he’s more than the kid who went to prison because of one mistake. He wants to show himself that he can be more.”

This time Gemma did turn to face Chibs, a small smile playing on her lips.

-“You seem to know my son better than me.” – she said matter-of-factly.- “You’re right. Jax’s been through so much. You know, he never speaks of those years he spent in prison. But I know they changed my son; changed him in a way I’ll never be able to completely understand.” – pain was obvious in her voice,  and as much as she tried to hide it, Chibs picked up on that.

-“Maybe with time he’ll open up. Ya never know what goes on in that head of his.” – he wished to console her, though he didn’t know how.

That kid changed too much in such a short time since he got a sponsor, that Chibs wondered just what _did_ went on in that head of Jax’s. He became more violent, and also less focused. He was either extremely angry or lost in his own thoughts. Since he knew well how much Jax wanted to win his fights and how hard he worked all the time to make that happen, it started to worry him that Jax was often too distracted.

With what, Chibs wasn’t sure. However, he had his suspicions...

 ***********************************************************************

When Tara came home after her talk with Jax, all she wanted with all her heart was to tell Neal the truth. She wanted to tell him that she fell in love with Jax, and that it would be for the best for them to take a break.

She planned on going back to New York with Donna, where the latter currently resided. Tara thought it would do her good to distance herself from both Jax and Neal to clear her head, and sort out her thoughts and feelings. Maybe, she believed, some time apart, away from Charming and everyone in it would make things easier and less complicated.

But she was too much of a coward. One look at Neal and she knew that she shouldn’t do it.

He was a kind, generous person. The best guy a girl could wish for. And she loved him. As crazy as it sounded, she loved him. But she loved Jax too. Breaking Neal’s heart would mean breaking hers too. And breaking Jax’s heart meant also breaking her heart. Her conflicted feelings didn’t let her say anything to Neal about her conversation with Jax, and they also didn’t let her call Jax and tell him that she had changed her mind.

She was sure that he was waiting for her to call him and say that they can be together at last. It seemed to Tara that Jax saw things differently than she did.

To him it was all ‘tell  him you love me and that’s it’. As much as she wished for it, things were not at all that simple.

She was engaged to a man she spent the last four years with. He was her best friend, her confidant, her rock. He was supposed to be her past, present, and future.

The last thing she expected was to meet someone else and fall in love with him.

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t right at all for her to even think of leaving Neal for someone she barely knew; ruining something she cherished for so long for something that might not last.

Lying in their bed, with Neal sleeping soundly next to her, Tara fought desperately to make a decision.

By the next morning, however, she still hadn’t made one.

################################################

Gemma and Thomas were at the grocery store, buying ingredients for dinner Gemma wanted to make for the guys at the gym. They offered her a warm welcome and she thought it kind to at least prepare a meal to thank them.

They were walking down the aisles, Thomas pushing the shopping cart and Gemma holding a list of groceries and putting things into the cart.

-“Thomas?”

-“Yeah, ma?” – he said, holding a box of cereals and flipping it to read the back.

-“Did you notice anything weird goin’ on with your brother?” – Gemma side -glanced her son.

Thomas frowned and turned to her.

-“No. Why?”

-“What did you guys talk about last night?”-  she asked casually, but keenly aware of the information she sought to get out of her son.

Thomas put the cereal box back on the shelf and headed to the next section of the store.

-“We talked about my work, my research paper. He asked me about Tara and me. Apparently, it was a big surprise for him that we used to be together.”

-“Oh? What about Tara? I mean, why were you talkin’ about her? Why is she so important?” -  Gemma asked with her eyebrows raised and her lips pursed.

Thomas sighed.

-“How am I supposed to know? I guess they’re friends. She’s been here for a while now. Jax’s been giving her some self defence classes.” – answered Thomas absentmindedly, trying to choose a good bottle of wine.

Gemma swept her bangs off her face with her index finger, her mind working like crazy.

-“How come you never told me about her? You didn’t want me to know or she wasn’t important enough to be  mentioned?”

-“Don’t talk about her like that!” – Thomas hissed. –“Of course she was important. But you’re always so... So nosy and you don’t play well with others. I loved her and I didn’t want you to chase her away.”

Gemma was silent for a moment, astound by her son’s words. It’s true that she tended to be like that, but she only wanted what’s best for her boys.

What was it about this girl that had Thomas yell at her? What made her so special?

Clearing her throat, she managed to ask her next question.

-“So, will you tell me about her now?”

Thomas refused to talk about Tara any longer, or anything related to her and their relationship. It was hard enough to think about her and his guilty conscience. Other thoughts filled his head.

Thomas wasn’t stupid. He noticed Jax’s overt ‘appreciation’ of Tara and all things Tara related. Even though he lost touch with him, Jax was still his brother and still as readable to Thomas as he always had been. That meant that jealousy and desire in Jax’s eyes and his behaviour were easily noticed by Thomas.

He no longer had romantic feelings for her. That, nonetheless, in no case meant that he wasn’t hurt by the mere thought of his brother being in love with the woman he had a relationship with.

And maybe he purposely mentioned his birthday gift to Tara, just to drive Jax’s thoughts away from her and possibly sear into his brother’s mind the image of him and Tara together.

It was a dick move, one he was acutely aware of, but one that he did enjoy.

His mother’s inquiry only furthered his suspicions that Jax indeed felt something for Tara. Otherwise, Gemma wouldn’t be half as interested in her as she currently was.

########################################

-“Wendy, she told me she loved me!” – Jax yelled over thethe phone, plopping onto his bed, beaming from ear to ear.

-“She did? Wow.” – Wendy sounded surprised.

Truth be told, she didn’t expect to hear that. She thought Tara would end things with Jax, not start them. The last thing she wanted was her friend to get hurt.

-“Yeah. I’m just waiting for her to call me. She’s breaking up with Neal.” – his voice was full of hope.

-“Hmm. Really? Jax, I’m not tryin’ to rain on your parade, but are you sure this is the best thing to do?” – Wendy was less inclined to believe that everything was going to be as Jax expected.

-“Why not? It’s better she breaks up with him than to lead him on. She loves me, I love her. That’s what matters.” – he was getting irritated at Wendy’s insinuations.

He heard her sigh.

-“That’s not all that matters, Jax. Your career’s on the line. What if that guy doesn’t want to sponsor you anymore? What if you lose all chances of becoming a pro?”

-“Listen, Wendy!” – he started, raising his voice and sitting up. –“I did just fine without that guy and I can do fine without him again. I love her and I want her to be with me. To be mine. If that means breaking some other guy’s heart, well I don’t care. I called you expecting some kind of support. I thought you’d be happy for me.”

-“I am.” – Wendy defended herself. –“I don’t want you to get hurt if this thing with her backfires. You have to think of yourself and your career. It’s what you wanted since I met you. Is she really worth it? Is she worth throwing away your future?”

Jax had it enough. He didn’t want anyone questioning his decisions.

-“She’s worth it. And this is happening, ok? You know what? I’ll call you later.” – he hung up and plopped back on the bed, letting out a long sigh. He closed his eyes and imagined Tara beside him.

He smiled.

_Once she’s with me, everything will be better._


	19. The Worst Kind of Heartache

Excuse the mistakes.

Happy reading :3

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Tara’s birthday party was in full swing, even though the birthday girl herself hadn’t arrived yet. There was booze, food, good music, and most importantly, a whole bunch of Tara’s friends. Some of them were her college friends, some from her old job.                                           

Her parents couldn’t make it since they were stuck in Switzerland on some business conference. Nevertheless they had sent her their present and promised to meet up the first chance they got.

The clubhouse was full of bikers and the guys from the club, that Tara’s friends seemed as if they didn’t belong at all in this crazy world.

In one corner of the clubhouse were Tig and Juice, smiling and chugging at their beer since this was a special occasion. Clay was animatedly talking to Gemma and Thomas by the bar, while Jax and Opie sat in one of the booths, both silent, waiting for their crushes to come.

If Jax had been paying any attention to his friend, he would have noticed the secret glances, hushed talks and laughs that had lately been passing between Donna and Opie. He would have noticed his friend’s cheeks blush whenever Donna appeared and his no-so-subtle seduction technique. Maybe he would have offered Opie some advice as to where to take Donna on their first date and what to say.

But Jax’s head was elsewhere, far away from the club, this stupid party, and everyone there. He kept glancing at the door, wishing she would just come already. He was at wits’ end, afraid he was going crazy.

It had been days since he saw her, and in all that time she still hadn’t told him what she was going to do. Granted, the decision was not easy to be made, but he knew, he just _knew_ that she had to choose him. They loved each other, she told him she did.

At first, what he felt for her was unfamiliar, strange, and kind of insane. Now, the feeling was ... it was good, it felt right. It warmed him from the inside, gave him a sense of joy, of hope. All he wanted was to be with her, to feel her small body pressed against his, their hands intertwined. He wanted to make her happy, to make her feel like she was the only girl in the world, because for him she was. His every waking thought was her: her silky brown hair, her warm green eyes, her smile that could melt even the coldest of hearts, and her innuendo-filled mind that had him laughing his ass off whenever he would remember certain events.

His leg was jumping up and down under the table, and he kept scratching his beard in a nervous manner.

_Where the hell was she?_

As he cast another glance towards the entrance, his mind went blank and all he could see, hear, and smell was her.

She was dressed in knee length crème dress with lace straps and black pumps. Her wavy hair was hanging loose around her shoulders. He stood up and started walking towards her, trying not to grin like an idiot.

Then the people started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ and for the first time in his life, he started singing along, unable to hide the smile that stretched his lips so much he feared he looked as creepy as Joker.

He kept himself aloof, watching as she beamed at her friends and wiped a stray tear. Even from where he was standing he could still smell her cherry scent, one that had been permanently seared into his mind from day one. Seeing her so happy made his heart swell, and he only hope that some of that happiness was reserved for him as well.

With the song over, people came up to her to hug her and wish her all the best. The guys made some obscene jokes and Jax wanted to strangle them for even daring to talk to her that way. She answered them in the same way and the room filled out with laughter.

Jax waited another couple of minutes before he decided to come up to her himself. With every step he took, his heart beat faster against his chest, his hands trembled, and his throat was as dry as a desert. _Good thing he had his oasis right in front of him_ , he thought.

All his hopes went down the drain when Neal entered, saying ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t find a place to park what with all the cars and bikes...’ and kissed Tara’s cheek tenderly. She leaned into him as he whispered something in her ear. She shook her head, and as if some unspoken conversation passed between them, her eyes glittered with excitement as Neal cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention to himself.

-“Hi, everybody. I’m thrilled you’re all here.  Today is a very special day because this lady right here was born exactly” –Tara slapped his arm playfully before he could say her age. –“hahah, well some time ago. I wish her all the luck in this world, al the love, and happiness that someone like her deserves.”

Neal looked down warmly at Tara, and taking her hand he kissed it. She flushed a little, her cheeks coloured in the cutest shade of red.

“You’ve made my life so much better, and I can’t even express the depth of my love for you. “- he said, caressing her cheek, his eyes locked with hers. She looked at Neal with so much adoration it made Jax sick. Neal continued. -“However, today we’re not celebrating just Tara’s birthday. Today, we’re celebrating a new phase in her and my life. ”

Colour drained from Jax’s face and his eyes filled with tears because he sensed something bad was going to happen. _No, no, no_ , he prayed to God, to Buddha, to whomever was listening to him. _Not this, no_.

Something glittered on Tara’s finger, and as Neal turned her hand towards the silent audience, Jax felt like his was going to throw up.

 _No_ , he mouthed, his eyes widening in shock as Neal very cheerfully announced:

-“We got married!”

Tara and he kissed, her perfectly manicured fingers lacing around his neck and his muscular arm wrapping around her waist as he pulled her closer. Jax gasped for air, tears pricking his eyes. He clenched his fists, trying not to do something stupid. Like beat Neal’s head against the bar. Or rip his arms off.

His heart could’ve stopped beating in that moment and he would’ve welcomed death gladly if it meant he didn’t have to live through this, seeing the women he loved married to someone else.

_This must be some cruel joke._

Before he could launch at Neal who in that exact moment became his biggest foe, he felt someone’s hand on his arm.

-“Come on Jax. Don’t do anything stupid.” – Thomas pleaded, pulling him towards the back exit. Jax obliged numbly.

The pain was worse than that time Felix kicked him in the chest with so much force that he had to get CPR; or that time Harrison had him in chokehold that he saw stars; or that first time he got into a fight in prison and he barely made it out alive.

Thomas led him outside speaking some kind of comfort words, like that was going to make things better. Like that was going to make Tara unmarried.

Jax didn’t see anything didn’t hear his brother; he felt his lungs burn form the lack of oxygen as he was holding his breath. And before he knew it, he let out his anger the only way he could.

He launched with the full force of his fist towards a wall, hitting it repeatedly. He heard Thomas yell at him, but his voice was so distant barely audible.

Jax’s hand was bleeding, but he didn’t register that or he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore. His screams echoed in the dark night as his heart broke into millions of pieces he wasn’t quite sure would ever be pieced together again.

(Long time no read :D Thank you for stick around, guys.  Review and tell me if you saw this coming :D)

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                         


	20. Whenever I'm Down, I Call on you My Friend

Excuse the typos and mistakes.

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He was an idiot. A stupid fucking idiot! God, he was so mad at himself, at her, at everyone and everything! For once in his life he allowed himself a glimmer of hope, he allowed himself to dream about something good only for that to be taken away from him before he even had the chance to taste it.

He believed her. He believed her when she told him she loved him. He believed her false speaking tongue, her fake tears that stung his heart, and most of all he believed her when she told him she'd speak to Neal and leave him.

Why did this have to happen to him? Was this some kind of revenge, some God's twisted vengeance against him for the mistakes he did in his past?

He contemplated about the past month of his life, his mind filled with images of her and her stupid husband, that fucking wedding ring he'd like to rip off her finger, and those stupid smiles she'd exchanged with Neal.

Why didn't she tell him about the wedding? Why was she leading him on? Was it all some wicked game of hers to see if she can trap him? To have a one last shot at seduction before she fell into her married-woman routine?

Why was she so cruel to him? For fuck sake, why?

-"Jax, please for the love of God, stop pacing! You're driving me nuts! Calm down!" – Thomas yelled, his voice laced with annoyance and exasperation.

After Jax's breakdown, Thomas managed to drag him down to ER to have his hand checked, and then he drove them to some remote bar far away from Charming. As he had assumed correctly, Jax was out of his mind and it was for the better to keep him as far away from Neal and Tara as possible.

He didn't like to see his older brother like this, hurt and acting crazy, probably capable of doing just about anything at this point. He could harm himself or someone else and Thomas was not letting that happen. And if it wasn't for Thomas, there was a pretty good chance that Jax would have gone back to the club and done God only knows what. At least here he was under his supervision.

Of course, Jax broke the fingers on his hand and it wasn't certain how much his recovery would last. The attending doctor observed them with much reservation, noticing how utterly ill Jax looked. It didn't help that he kept mumbling Tara's name without any focus im his eyes. After Thomas convinced the doctor that he would take good care of Jax, the lady gave them some painkillers warning him not to let Jax drink.

But now, after thirty minutes of watching Jax pace the almost empty bar, his eyes red, his breathing ragged, Thomas feared his brother might lose it. Or he might lose it because he couldn't take it anymore.

-"I-I just don't understand. I just don't fucking understand!" - Jax exclaimed, pulling at his hair.

Thomas sighed, standing up and pulling Jax towards the restroom. He made Jax splash some water on his face to relax and come to his senses. When Jax looked up, Thomas couldn't tell whether the drops on Jax's face were just water or if there were tears too. What he could see clearly though was the pain in his brother's eyes, one that he only ever saw the day they got the news of their father's death.

-"Jax, man. Tell me what happened out there. The fuck did you put yourself through this?" -Thomas pleaded, watching his brother inhale sharply, leaning against the dirty tiles, his jaw twitching.

His white Henley was smudged with dried blood, his hands shaking as he dug his hand into his sweaty hair. His lips trembled as he spoke, barely containing screams that struggled to break free from his body.

-"I don't know, Tommy. I don't know. I thought-I thought she loved me. She told me so. She was gonna talk to Neal and... FUCK! I WAS SO STUPID! FUCK!" - he hit his head against the tiles.

Thomas's heart sank as he watched his brother crumble before his eyes. Never before did he call him Tommy in that tone. His voice was choked, his words etched with hopelessness as he slid down the tiles and sat on the cold floor, his head cradled in his hands.

More than ever before, Jax Teller looked defeated, beaten by life and love he thought was reciprocated.

Thomas didn't feel any jealousy though, but he was definitely confused by the whole situation. He did noticed Jax's not so subtle glances at Tara and how much he asked him about her, wanting to know how their relationship was and how it ended. Knowing Tara, it was definitely understandable to him that his brother could have fallen in love with her. But, he also knew that Jax would never take someone else's girl. Besides, he had never seen his brother like this, like a lovesick puppy whose owner kicked him out.

So it was a mystery to him how Jax could have fallen so deep for Tara, become so attached to her, that he was falling apart because she got married.

After a couple of moments of silence where the oly sound was Jax's heavy breathing, Thomas asked, somewhat nervously:

-"When did you start seeing each other?"

Jax never lifted his head as he spoke, his voice laced with utter sadness. -" We weren't. I was... I was giving her self defence classes when she first got here. "

-"But, you... I don't understand. Jax, you were about to beat the shit out of Neal. I saw the look in your eyes. I've never seen you this mad. It's npt a normal behaviour. What happened with you and Tara?"

-"What's there to understand, Tommy?"- Jax asked, raising his head and this time, tears glistened on his flushed cheeks.-"I fell in love with her even though I shouldn't have, even though she was off limits to me. And I knew there was something between us, I could feel it. Fuck, Tommy, it was like a goddamn Christmas every time she walked into a room. And I wanted her, I wanted to be with her.

She was supposed to talk to him, tell him it's over. I have no fucking idea why she did this to me. How could she do this to me, Tommy? I was ready to leave this fucking town and go with her. I've got some money. I would have made sure she had the life she deserved."- he broke down in sobs, his whole body shaking as the ache poured from his heart.

-"Jax, you knew she had a fiance. Why would you do this to yourself, why would you put yourself through this?"

-"It's not like I wanted this to happen. But you don't understand. It's... I can't explain it. I just know I felt something the first time we met, and it only grew deeper as we spent more time together. Was it so wrong of me to think that I could have a normal, happy life with the woman I love? Fuck, I love her, Tommy. I love her so much!"

His brother shook his head. -"I know, I see that. But the way this all unfolded... It's messed up, bro. You're here, crying, hurting. Come on, I can't let you be like this."

Thomas moved slowly, taking Jax under his arm and picking him up from the floor, leading him through the bar to his car. He sat Jax on the passenger seat and buckled his seatbealt. By this point, Jax's anger had simmered down and all that was left was a broken man.

Questions swirled in Thomas's mind as he drove aimlessly, glancing at his brother every few minutes to make sure he wasn't going to burst into a fit of rage again. Luckily for him, Jax was silent, his thoughts focused on Tara and how happy she looked that night in her snow white dress and her beautiful smile.

His fingers traced the place on his cheek where she had kissed him when they were in the cake shop, still feeling her soft lips pressed against his skin.

He saw her in her yellow sundress, her arms wrapped firmly around his torso as they rode on his bike. He never felt more alive than then, knowing that for a few brief hours she was his.

And what he was experiencing now was... Maybe it was all just a dream, he thought.

Yeah, Tara was just a dream. A wonderful, amazing dream that became his worst nightmare, pulling him down to the very depths of Hell.


End file.
